not sure if depressed, burned out, etc..
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not sure if depressed, burned out, etc..
| Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:58pm |
I don't want anyone near me, I am very short tempered with my children. I don't want ot be near my husband because he seems to always want to have sex. I can't concentrate or focus. I am very forgetful. really bad short term memory. My cousin was murdered this past July, she was my best friend. We were like sisters. Not to gross anyone out, but feel like I have to go into some details on what happened so you can get an idea of what is going on in my head. She was stabbed and mutalated, from what we have been told over 37 times. MY husband says he will talk to me about it to help me deal, but it seems to irrate him when I do want to talk. He would rather have me bury it and not talk. He hates how I get when after talking to my mom, She has to greive to someone. I have friends but no one seems to care. I haven't been a wreck on the outside. No one can deal with a wreck. I am stressed with my kids I have 4. The only thing that makes me feel worthwhile is my new job, but I am getting so forgetful there, it is effecting my performance. I feel like crying. No one cares that I lost Sarah. Things are so overwhelming I can't deal I just try to shut it out. Which isn't working to well. I have no insurance for a doctor. I just want to be left alone. I am tired of all the expectations people have of me. I want to run away. Sarah did that a year and a half before she was murdered, she left her 3 kids and husband, she couldn't deal. She ended up in some bad things and now she is dead. I am so confused, I don't know what to do, I can't make anyone happy or my kids listen to me. I am always upsetting my husband because I don't want sex right now. It really hit me these last two weeks. The pre Trail hearing is coming up in March, That alone is stressing me out. My mom and Aunt ( Sarah's Mom) will be driving to it. That will take 2100 miles alone. I worry about the two of them, neither are dealing well at all.
Sorry for the long message. I am at a lost, I do feel better just typing this.
thanks for your patience.

TXLDSMOM4,
I am so sorry! I am sending you hugs and lots of understanding. I can't imagine what you must be going through. A long time friend of mine was bruatlly murdered (shot in the head and then they removed his hands, teeth and head) about two years ago. It is so hard to even comprehend to this day. If it were my cousin, I just don't know what I would do. He, really, was just a kid, so if it was a women, and a mother...well it just seems worse, I don't know why. I'm sorry this happened and that you are having to survive it.
Although my story is much different, I know what it feels like that no one cares or understands. We do here, so keep coming back. Also, if you can, find a local support group for people dealing with grief and loss - I think this can help you. I'm sorry you don't have insurance. In today's world it can be outright devistating, but thank goodness there are programs. If you don't qualify for medicaid or something, look for a local community clinic. Usually you just have to wait in line, fill out papers and volunteer doctors will help you for free. I have done this. It is not pleasant, but it is important that you get the help you need.
Regarding the sex, well, frankly, I think almost every woman here can relate. When you are where you are, sex is the last thing you are interested in. It's OK. You are not bad. You will get back to where you need/want to be.
Short tempered, wanting to be alone, not concentrating, wanting to run away, and forgetting everything is part of depression and part of worry and part of what you are going through. Just know that it is OK to be where you are, and that there are people here to listen and understand. Let us know how you are doing and please take care of you.
Piruli
(((((((((Honey))))))))), I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
I'd make an appointment with whoever you feel more comfortable talking to...your general physician, or your gyno about what's going on in your life, and that it's been really hard for you to control your feelings. My guess is that they'll then refer you to a therapist, or a psychiatrist that can help you in more ways than we ever could.
Please keep us posted, but I feel you need to tell a professional. I know it was REALLY hard for me, but my gyno was really supportive, and led me into the right way of trying to heal myself. Hope that all goes well for you, and we'll be here to help you through all the good times and bad times.
Lots of love!
trixie
XOXOXO