Sickly? Quit my job? Still Crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sickly? Quit my job? Still Crazy?
4
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:37am
Coming back up at the end to rename the "lets calm down" emoticon the "lets stop hyperventilating and take deep breaths" emoticon..

If you are in my frame of mind, you need to smoke five cigarettes while reading this and take about 20 deep breaths...


OK, here is where I am. I still feel crazy, as usual. I went to the doctor (regular one) last week for ear pains and a lump close to my ear (which is still there, which is not good). I took advantage and told her about constantly being tired and freezing my hiney off. She took blood and gave me antibiotics and a decongestant that totally drugged me up and made me turn red and think that trees were dancing. Anyway! They called back today and said that I had elevated potassium and needed to come back to redo in case it was an error. So I did, and I'll hear on Friday or something. In the meantime I go on the dreaded internet to read about elevated potassium and turns out it is really bad, like bad! And, worst of all, it is related to heart palpitations. I've been having those, but calling them panic attacks because I'm crazy and see a psychiatrist and am depressed and bipolar and who knows what else. But what if I'm actually physically sick? But then again, it could just be an error and nothing at all. The errors are caused by too much clenching when they take your blood and I did remember thinking "dang she is making me clench a lot". We'll see. Come Friday either I'll be in the hospital or I'll be fine and just crazy again.

Quit my Job? OK. So this is the big thing. I hate my job and I can't concentrate and it is stressing me out to no end and I can't get anything done any more. I used to be super productive and now I am a waste of space and time. I hate the company and the industry and if I died tomorrow I would be very sad for spending my stupid time on this. Is this what I am supposed to do with my life? I'm 24 and any one else my age would take off and figure something else out, but I have the baby and every other freaking responsibility in the world, so I feel stuck. I don't care. Point is that I have basically set my mind to giving my two weeks on Friday. Do I have a plan - no not really.

Why Friday? Because A. I have been waiting for that for a year and I can't wait anymore. and B. because Thursday is my immigration interview with my husband and we will see what the government decides - deport or no? Considering we are currently seperated, I'm thinking they are going to deport him because they are known for being majorly illogical, insensitive and radical. Who cares that he has a two year old, or that I can not handle it all on my own? Who cares that everybody deserves a family the best that they can make it. We will see. I don't know what will happen or what is best. I am stressed out. I am confused - as always.

Oh, and by the way, I came out as Piruli a couple of days ago with the bipolar diagnosis because I didn't want someone to know. By this point, if they are reading they do know because of circumstances. Maybe I'm very paranoid and that person doesn't care at all. So all and all I am the former jodiejoey, but i think I will keep Piruli.

Thanks for listening again. I go to my therapist tomorrow so we will see if she can help me with any of this.

Piruli

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 8:16am
Jeez...that is a lot of stress. First off, you are not crazy. Believe me, there is worse. I think that you need a vacation...a VERY LONG vacation, a shopping spree, manicure/peticure, and a nice warm bubble bath. Well...it might help. Won't make your problems go away though. I believe that you may be having your physical symptoms from both your depression/anxiety/bipolar and your current situation. Both can make you feel crazy, which I guarantee you are not. Since I am a little more than half your age (13)...I can't exactly give you advice that you could use. (even though I already feel like I am in my 30s) I just wish you well, and I hope that nasty lump in your ear goes away along with the potassium problem (which I also understand to be not good. too much of anything is never good). By the way...don't smoke five cigarettes. It won't help you. It will only create more problems. Lung cancer, throat cancer, cancer in the esophagus...not good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 2:46pm
Thanks krazykat,

It's good to know you are there. I will try to do something for me.

Piruli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 2:54pm
I can *really* relate to the whole job thing. I've been at mine for *seven* years now..And I feel like a huge loser. I hate it, and I don't get paid enough, and I feel like I'm wasting my brain, and my time..and I feel like a big lump because there is no reason to wear makeup or dress my age..I'm 26 and I feel like 'frump girl'..and I can't quit without another job lined up because I'm in debt and have payments for that coming straight out of my account each month...and I've sent out resumes but haven't heard anything yet...

So I'm probably not helping, but you're not the only one who detests her job and feels trapped in it...:(

Hang in there..

Jenn
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 3:47pm

(((((((Honey)))))))), I'm really glad you had an appointment with your therapist scheduled for today.

AcornLeaves