Sickly? Quit my job? Still Crazy?
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| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:37am |
If you are in my frame of mind, you need to smoke five cigarettes while reading this and take about 20 deep breaths...
OK, here is where I am. I still feel crazy, as usual. I went to the doctor (regular one) last week for ear pains and a lump close to my ear (which is still there, which is not good). I took advantage and told her about constantly being tired and freezing my hiney off. She took blood and gave me antibiotics and a decongestant that totally drugged me up and made me turn red and think that trees were dancing. Anyway! They called back today and said that I had elevated potassium and needed to come back to redo in case it was an error. So I did, and I'll hear on Friday or something. In the meantime I go on the dreaded internet to read about elevated potassium and turns out it is really bad, like bad! And, worst of all, it is related to heart palpitations. I've been having those, but calling them panic attacks because I'm crazy and see a psychiatrist and am depressed and bipolar and who knows what else. But what if I'm actually physically sick? But then again, it could just be an error and nothing at all. The errors are caused by too much clenching when they take your blood and I did remember thinking "dang she is making me clench a lot". We'll see. Come Friday either I'll be in the hospital or I'll be fine and just crazy again.
Quit my Job? OK. So this is the big thing. I hate my job and I can't concentrate and it is stressing me out to no end and I can't get anything done any more. I used to be super productive and now I am a waste of space and time. I hate the company and the industry and if I died tomorrow I would be very sad for spending my stupid time on this. Is this what I am supposed to do with my life? I'm 24 and any one else my age would take off and figure something else out, but I have the baby and every other freaking responsibility in the world, so I feel stuck. I don't care. Point is that I have basically set my mind to giving my two weeks on Friday. Do I have a plan - no not really.
Why Friday? Because A. I have been waiting for that for a year and I can't wait anymore. and B. because Thursday is my immigration interview with my husband and we will see what the government decides - deport or no? Considering we are currently seperated, I'm thinking they are going to deport him because they are known for being majorly illogical, insensitive and radical. Who cares that he has a two year old, or that I can not handle it all on my own? Who cares that everybody deserves a family the best that they can make it. We will see. I don't know what will happen or what is best. I am stressed out. I am confused - as always.
Oh, and by the way, I came out as Piruli a couple of days ago with the bipolar diagnosis because I didn't want someone to know. By this point, if they are reading they do know because of circumstances. Maybe I'm very paranoid and that person doesn't care at all. So all and all I am the former jodiejoey, but i think I will keep Piruli.
Thanks for listening again. I go to my therapist tomorrow so we will see if she can help me with any of this.
Piruli

It's good to know you are there. I will try to do something for me.
Piruli
So I'm probably not helping, but you're not the only one who detests her job and feels trapped in it...:(
Hang in there..
Jenn
(((((((Honey)))))))), I'm really glad you had an appointment with your therapist scheduled for today.