damage control
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damage control
| Thu, 01-29-2004 - 12:07pm |
ok, i feel the depression coming on strong and i am writing here while i think i can still try to fight it off! first of all, i just got back from the new best agency in the city for modeling as my agent that i had been working with has not been sending me on anything. they didn't like me :( i have been waiting for this meeting for awhile, and it was a really big deal. it was kind of whether my career was going to go up or down. it is sad, and the rejection hurts. but i am still working with commercial print and acting agencies, and that is brand new, so maybe that will take off. plus, the agent i was with found out i am doing this car show for a family friend who owns her own agency, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. so she will not try to get me ANY work now of any value. you know what, i think it is a good thing that this is coming to an end. it's really hard and hard on me. i will keep looking for a job and hopefully find something that can start after this car show.
next thing is that my boyfriend (who i have been telling you guys that everything has been going very well) told me that he is looking at buying a place with his best friend (who also has a serious girlfriend). what?! things have been getting better and better with us, and this has completely stumped me. i feel like he punched me in the stomach and said i don't want to commit to you any time soon. but he is acting the opposite in every way- wants to spend more time with me, saying he loves me (for the first time), and making future plans. what gives?
i feel so rejected today!!!!!! i need advice (please)!

I am a little confused on the boyfriend thing let me see if I am making any sense of it I may have read wrong.
You wrote that he is thinking of buying a place with his best friend whom also is in a relationship and you are hurt because he wants to buy himself a house??? why are you hurt buy that ???I am not asking to be mean I just want to understand a little better.
You also wrote that you told him you didnt want a committment from him "{and said i don't want to commit to you any time soon." so I just dont understand what is going on with you and your boyfriend at this momentI would love to give you advice on it but I just want to understand what is going on better.
As for the depression try your best to fight it off, are you taking meds Yes/No.
I do hope that it all goes well for you in all areas I hope that the meeting went well and I hope that things with your boyfriend get better, dont be mad at him try to be happy with the things he wants to do to better his life.
Sweetie I am sorry I am not giving the best uinput these past few days I really wanted to try to help you out with this but I am just not too good at it at this point in my life.
I will keep ya in my thoughts, I really do wish you the best hun.
Take care
Oh, sweetie!
Nadine - deenie1979
Rejection sucks to much. That's probably my biggest trigger for depression.
I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the suckiest things that happen to us turn out to be the best things for us. You already had decided to pursure other things. This is just a confirmation of what you already thought you should do.
Doesn't make it hurt less. The modeling industry is so nasty. It's all about rejection. That's the nature of the business. That's why I hated it.
If that lady is so petty and mean spirited, you didn't want to work with her anyway. Think of how much you didn't like the lady at the last agency. You don't want to be in that situation again.
On the thing with your boyfriend, have you talked to him about how you feel? He may think of buying the house as an investment. He may want to take advantage of low rates while they last. He may not be thinking too clearly. It always helps to ask what's going on.
About rejection, my dh has helped me with that so much. He's a professional speaker. Like with modeling, it's a business of competition and rejection. He's helped me to learn to not count on anything, but just take what comes. He doesn't dwell on rejection. He learns from it if he can and moves on. It's been amazing to watch him handle things. I used to crumble every time something didn't happen that I was really counting on happening. It was a constant roller coaster.
He and I have been in some tight spots, but he always looks towards what is working and what he can do right now. That's one of the main reasons he's my hero.
Now you know what you need to focus on. It takes off that high fashion pressure. That's big pressure to have relieved.
Do something good for yourself today, since you're feeling yourself sliding into rejection. Watch those negative thoughts. That's how my therapist showed me to pull myself out when I start to slide. Events are neutral. We get to decide how we're going to react to them.
Take care.
All My Love,
MariaC
Oh, (((((((honey)))))), it sounds like you feel like you really got walloped today.
Sorry to hear about your job not going so well for you now. It must be really hard for you to take so much critical evaluation from different people. I feel really bad for you! Just know that they don't know what they're missing out on!
As far as your boyfriend buying a place with his best friend. The only thing I can think of is that he's thinking of the future. Seriously. You may not think it now. But he is. Maybe he can't afford the whole house by himself, so chose his friend to go in on it with him to help with the rent for a few years, then, when it's time for you two to be settle in, things will be financially better for you two. I'm pretty sure that this is what's going on. Just know that he loves you, and is thinking about you, but sometimes he's got to do things for him too.
Hope that this helps a bit, and don't worry sweetie. Things will look up for you in time. Love you lots sweetie, and take care!
Trixie
I just wanted to send you some hugs. The only thing I can think of is to tell him how you are feeling. I am sure he didn't mean anything by it, you know guys think differently than us gals!
Pamela
THANK YOU!!!!!
you guys are totally right, i am probably just misinterpretting my boyfriend's intentions with the townhouse buying situation. i will talk to him tonight and let you guys know how it goes :) thanks for the advice, i wish i could hug each one of you. i think it is totally a sign to get out of the high fashion end of modeling. it is not what is best for me anymore! i am going to go paint now and i'm sure that will keep me from laying around feeling sorry for myself. i am re-reading everything you guys said because it really helped. it is so amazing to have your support and guidance! thank you thank you thank you :) !