Having a hard day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Having a hard day
7
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 10:39pm
Losing my best friend has really been hard on me. Last night I finally talked to her since all ofthis went down. She talked about herself for 20 minutes and never once asked how I was doing. She said that it would be "better" if we talked about our issues after she gets back from her 11 day trip to Costa Rica. I talked about my part of it anyway, but she barely responded. The whole thing brought undescored how she is completely self-centered and doesn't care about me at all. Neverhas. She's just been taking advantage of all that I could do for her. It really sucks.

I feel so sad. I've been really happy for the past few months to finally have friends after all of these years of not having any. But now I see that this person was not my friend. My other two friends, who are also in the psych field, haven't had any time for me in two months. One is in major crisis. Constantly. The other one is really busy with school and clients.

Anyway, now I feel so sad. I feel friendless, stupid, worthless, and depressed. I can't even have any sugar to make me feel better, because I've been eating sugar all week to feel better, and I've been feeling really strung out and exhausted because of it. So I need to stop eating sugar. I didn't have any today. But that makes it harder.

I just needed to vent. Thanks everyone!

Love,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: cal70
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 11:15pm
first of all, i'm your friend- so add one more to the list.

secondly, quitting sugar cold turkey is never a good thing- at least cut down a little at a time (i vote for keeping a little chocolate- it always cheers me up!)

about your friend situation, i don't know if i told you before, but i have had a similar situation myself. a girl who i considered one of my best friends- she was a roomate in college and we talked every day about everything- started showing her "true colors" a little at a time until i realized that she wasn't a very good friend anymore. we had a sort of falling out and didn't speak all summer. when i tried to contact her because i missed her, she wouldn't answer the phone at first and sent me a nasty letter about me being a bad friend. now to the point :) - we are now "friends" again and i realize whenever i talk to her that she really doesn't care much about me and is a very selfish rude person right now. i will spare you the details of the second story, but the summary is i am basically not friends with my best friend since high school who i always thought would always be my closest friend.

i have learned that people change, and friendships change too. it is so sad to think that someone who meant a lot to you at one point in your life can not hold that same place forever. but those two "friends" have now evolved into people whom i keep in touch with and keep in my life, but no longer hold in such a special place as they once were. i see them for what they are now in my life and not expect more from them because unfortunately i know that they are no longer giving it.

you are such a wonderful person- i am so surprised that you don't have people knowcking on your door begging to be your friend- i know i would be if i lived near you! don't be sad, you do have your friend in your life still. and the fact that you have seen that she can be less of a friend thatn you thought she was is hard at first but at least you know. you have your other friends, and the people here, and your wonderful husband that all think you are the best! so don't be sad (and eat a little bit of sugar :) it's good for you)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cal70
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 11:19pm
Hi Maria,

I just got back from Boston, so I don't know exactly what's been going on with your best friend...I apologize for not being there for you. But I definitely agree with you that your friend sounds very self-centered and either unable or unwilling to give you the kind of support that a true friendship involves. I can understand how incredibly hard it must be to realize that she isn't the kind of friend you thought she was.

I'm also sorry that your other friends don't seem to have time for you. As you have reminded me before, though, I would try to avoid the black-and-white thinking that because you seem to have lost one friend, you therefore have no one and are unlovable. The fact that your other friends are busy right now doesn't mean that they don't care about you...as you said, at least one of them is dealing with a lot of personal issues unrelated to your friendship.

I can definitely relate to your sense of loneliness. I also have no one I can call a friend (the one I thought I had, I have also lost, I think, and he lives across the country anyway and rarely talks to me). I'm hoping that this is just an "in-between" time, though, and that as my circumstances change, I'll be able to build new friendships.

But much of the time, I also feel like the real problem with me is that I don't deserve friends, that no one would want to be friends with me if they knew the "true" me. But Maria, I think many people on this board would say that they felt they knew you relatively well, and all of them still like you! You have been a friend to many here, and we all know that you are anything but worthless.

That can be hard to believe, I know, especially when you don't seem to have friends offline, in "real" life. But try to trust that things will improve...sometimes it seems like I just have periods in my life when I have friends, and other times when I don't... I shouldn't take it as a reflection of my self-worth (although I often do as well).

As for the sugar, you're doing a great job by avoiding it for today...I am guilty of "self-medicating" my depression with sugar, I'm afraid...and I know it doesn't help me in the long run, so I'm trying to stop. You set a great example, even if you have your minor slips (you wouldn't be human if you didn't!).

So I'm wishing you better days ahead...and hoping that you realize that you are a wonderful, worthwhile person all on your own, no matter the number of friends you do or don't have.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: cal70
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 11:46pm
MariaC-

I am the worst advice giver, but I really just think you are so sweet so I send you lots of hugs.

Love

Piruli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: cal70
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 12:02am




(((((((((((((((((((((((((MariaC)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


You have many more friends than you realize! Much as you told me not too long ago, you are

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cal70
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 3:18am
{{{{{{Maria}}}}}}

All I can say is I am sorry this happened. Please be good to yourself.

Take care of yourself {{{{Maria}}}}

Hugs

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: cal70
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 12:09pm
Maria,

Hun I am sorry to hear about your friend and how self centered she is towards you, I know that you have heard this a million times already but you dont need someone like that in your life you dont deserve to be taken advantage of or to have someone talk about themselves and not care about how you are doing and feeling, she is not worth your time or your effort.

Hun I wish I knew what to say to your or make you feel better, ut at this moment I have no words I have nothing to give, just know that I am thinking of you

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cal70
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 4:58pm

(((((((((((((((((((MARIA)))))))))))))))))))))))


You are not stupid, if you were, you wouldnt have recognized that she wasnt a real friend to begin with.

*hugs