new here & having a bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
new here & having a bad day
5
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 5:30pm
I dont know where to start, with an introduction or all the feelings I'm experiencing. I've been on this board & the anxiety board before but when the message board format changed, I quit checking in. I'm a SAHM to 3, ages 12, 7 and almost 6. I've been clinically diagnosed with depression & anxiety and suppose to be taking paxil but money is extremely extremely tight so I've not been taking my meds (cant afford to refill). We're looking at selling one of our cars which would require me to drive DH to and from work in downtown OKC each day, along with taking our 3 kids to school and they all have 3 different school schedules. Every time I look at MSMoney I get sick to my stomach. There is just no way we can pay our bills. The two older kids need money for lunch tickets, which I cant afford at the moment. Plus I cant afford groceries for them to have stuff to take their lunches.

Our budget was fine until Sept, and then I have no idea what happened to cause the bottom to fall out like this. I had started a part time job with the idea of getting extra Christmas money but instead things are worse. I quit working last month because DH was too busy on the weekends to watch the kids and would often leave the 12 yr old to watch the two little ones. Which would be fine if she were mature enough to do that, but she's not. I dont know what to do -- today has been horriable. I've been fighting the negative thoughts all afternoon. I keep trying to tell myself everything always works out, it has in the past, but I just feel so down that nothing matters.

I'm gonna take a bath & cry .... hopefully DH will be home soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 5:50pm

(((((((Ldykristyan)))))))),

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 6:56pm
Boy do I know about money problems! First my dh and I had a car accident that left us in constant pain, then Sept 11 happened, which destroyed his speaking career (no one wanted to fly people anywhere for seminars), than the economy got worse and worse. We're self-employed in consulting and marketing, the first two things that corporations cut in their budgets.

We made due with my dh going to Singapore and doing speeches. Then SARS destroyed the Singapore economy.

Shortly after that I realized that I had been in denial and we had to make major changes in our life. We finally moved to a much smaller house in September. No garage for me anymore. We had already cut dinners out, entertainment, etc.

My dh was working all the time, but there was never enough to cover everything.

Then in December my dh started reading this tiny little book called "The Abundance Book" by John Ralph Price. It has affirmations in it that you do every day, then write positive thoughts about why it will come true. He asked me to put only positive thoughts into our money situation. I have been.

The money situation has started to change. We pulled in twice as much money for January as we had for December. We're scheduled to do twice as much as January in February!!!

We're working as hard as ever, but putting positive thoughts and energy into it.

I'm not saying that's your solution. But it's been helping us. I still am frugal with money. I eat a lot of tuna with carrots for lunch. And even for breakfast. Watching Dr. Phil talking to a family in financial crisis really inspired me. He told them to move to a smaller house. That was a big wake up call for me. It was depressing at first. Then it was a big job to move, but I love writing that check for $900 less every month! It's awesome!!!

I still struggle with my dh to not spend so much money. He compulsively orders pizzas, sometimes 3 or 4 four nights a week. That's $80 a week! I'm happy having albacore tuna in fish tacos or on a salad. And mine's healthier.

The main expense that we still have to get down is our credit cards. I'm trying to get the balances down, but it's been difficult. I have gotten some of the interest rates down.

I can get really excited about cutting expenses. I know it's super hard with kids. I'm a discount shopper extraordinaire. I find awesome stuff at Ross, Marshalls, TJ MAXX and Target. I've even found some great stuff at Walmart. Discount stores are so great for kids clothes, as well as second hand stores. Of course, 12 year olds don't want to shop at cheap places, but you can turn your daughter onto vintage clothes. Kids think that stuff is great.

I know well the desperation of not having a enough money to cover the bills. I was always having to prioritize paying electricity, water, cars, and rent first, then credit cards to keep my rating good, then everything else was last priority.

Believe it or not, Catholic Charities can even help people who are in better situations, like you and your family. They can help you with money counseling, direct you to cheap medication, vouchers for rent, all kinds of stuff.

If you get the kids to help, you can make it a fun family project. You help kids more by making them take responsibility and having something to be proud of than you do by shielding them from the difficulties of life. They can become more mature by having responsibility and getting positive feedback for it. I bought almost all of my own clothes since I was 12 with babysitting money. Kids can do a lot around the house to free up your time for work. They can help plan cheap meals. You can do a TV watching night together instead of going to the movies. Whatever. I like the money board because I almost always get one idea about another way to save money.

Just talking about this is inspiring me to do more to save for myself right now.

I hope this isn't just a ramble. Welcome to the board! It's a really supportive place.

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 10:34am
Thank you both for your replies. I'm back on my meds and feeling better. I guess DD is charging her lunch today because I dont think she made her lunch & didnt say anything to me about lunch money. I felt like a horriable mother since I cant even provide lunches for my kids. Next week however, my mom is giving us some extra money for food (I clean her house 1x a week for extra money). That will help alot. Also if DH would get all the stuff we need to file our taxes, we'd get our refund faster, but he needs to get something else before he can finish them up. It's all so annoying.

I checked into reduced price lunches for the kids & DH makes too much money, by $2000 a year.

We could always look for a smaller house, but the one we have now isn't overly big. Its 1500 sq. feet and we're a family of 5. The two boys share a room as it is. Its also in a great neighborhood with a good school. Looking for this size house for less would require us looking in unsafe neighborhoods.

The only viable option we have for reducing our spending would be to get rid of one of the cars, but DH knows how much anxiety I have about driving.

Once we get our tax refund, get some of our past due bills paid, we should be okay. Its just trying to get DH to get his butt moving on things like this!

Deina

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 10:44am
Hi there

It's good to see that you are feelign a bit better. Hopefully, like you said once you get your tax refund things will start looking better financially. I have also been having a really hard time this past couple of months, I really don't know what happened, I think it started with putting off some bills in december so I could get the kids xmas gifts, and things went crazy from there, we have been behind on the rent and car payment and just about everything else since then!! Last week I scraped together change to give my DD for lunch money. I am trying to take one day at a time, I know it will get better just have to get it all figured out!!! Best of luck, I hope you can get your husband moving with the tax stuff!!

Take care,

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 10:05pm
I think that must of happened to me as well. Things seemed okay before the holidays. I put off some of the bills to get presents, then suddenly everything is past due and adding up quickly.

DH wants to go through our budget tonight & see where we could cut back at. I've already tried doing that & ended up depressed so I really dont want to go through it all at the moment. I just keep telling me to get the tax stuff done so we can send it in. He said he'll do it tomorrow. Luckily its 9pm here, and bedtime soon so maybe I can distract him into not thinking about the budget ... bwahahahhaha ;)

Deina