I think I wanna die now....(m) *trigger*
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I think I wanna die now....(m) *trigger*
| Thu, 02-05-2004 - 12:15am |
Im so lost, I have nothing or no one that knows how I feel right now. I feel like I am so alone. I am in a crowded room yelling at the top of my lungs and no one seems to glance to see what is the problem. Ive come to the conclusion. Im a worthless piece of chit and I might as well end this now for fear that I don't want my daughter to see me in this pain. I would rather her remember me happy. Im going to terminate the pregnancy. I came to that conclusion also. I haven't been able to stop crying. Thats all I do anymore. Im so depressed that I don't wanna eat and when I do I overeat. I know I have no control over how he feels and he told me taht he loved me but I can't handle him being an but-hole like this anymore. I feel like im a burden, like he doesn't want me around. I think this is part of the reason I have gotten so depressed. I don't know. I know this was coming on a long time ago but I was scared to look at the signs. If I could only get a grip on reality then I think i would be ok. None of the thoughts that are running through my head are making sense at this point. Im trying to put this into words as fast as its coming out but I don't think that I am doing such a good job. I don't know wahts wrong with me anymore. I started having my nightmares again. I haven't had one in so long. Most of them are the same thing over and over, other nights its different. I try to hide it, like it doesn't bother me, but I am getting more and more tired to the point that I just wanna sleep all day. If I could just get his face out of my head. I can't handle it anymore. It happened more than 10 years ago, I thought that I would be over it by now. now I feel like ive burdened you guys. Im so sorry
maddie

I found out through my doctors, and research, that I have and most people have a chemical imballance in our brain. We don`t produce enough of a certain chemical to help us feel normal, and ok, and to be able to handle bad, good, situations.
The way you are feeling is normal, for some people you just need someone to listen and to help. If I may ask how old is your daughter? if she is young this could be a combination of postpartum depression and just depression.
There is NO burden here, I am willing to listen if you want to talk, and I`m sure there are others here that will also, but please go see a doctor, (REALLLLLLLLY SOON) THEY will HELP JUST TELL THEM WHAT YOU FEEL.
Please email if you want to talk or just have a question I`ll try to help anyway I can. mariah
Email addy: tagamag789@iwon.com
Mariah
Tagalong-Greyhound
Cooper-
Sweetie I hear you. I hear you crying out for help because you are in so much pain. Please don't do anything that you will regret. You don't realize just how important you are to so many people. My friend Ashley died from suicide, and he would have been so surprised at how many people loved him and wished that they would have known so that they could have helped.
Sweetie, I don't know your story. If you have posted it here, I must have missed it. You are pregnant and you have a daughter? Your sweet little daughter needs you sweetie. Every little girl needs her mother.
Please find someone to talk to. A therapist is a great advantage as they can help you work on what you are feeling and why.
Do you take any meds? Oh, I guess if you are pregnant you probably aren't. Sorry I am a bit confused.
Sweetie, you are NOT A BURDEN. I am so happy you felt that you could post here.
Please feel free to email me at serenitycouragewisdom@hotmail.com. I will be here to listen and/or help you in ANYWAY I CAN.
Please take care of yourself and DO NOT HESITATE TO EMAIL ME.
I am thinking of you and sending you many hugs.
Pamela
Love and Hugs Andrea
I haven't posted here in a long time but I lurk occasionally and your post really touched my heart...
I have been through some very hard times myself--like most everyone here and I have also gotten through them enough to go on to college well into adulthood and gotten two degrees in social work. While I am not yet a licensed therapist, I hope to be in the near future!
It sounds like you have a pretty severe case of depression and depression CAN be SUCCESSFULLY TREATED!! You mention you have felt some depressive symptoms before. It sounds like your pregnancy may have further triggered some sort of chemical imbalance--although of course, we cannot know for sure until you've been professionally diagnosed!
Maddie, that baby growing within you is a precious gift... I do not know your history or what else has led you to this very personal decision to terminate your pregnancy but I CAN tell you that more than all the degrees in the world, I wish I had a child and so I URGE you PLEASE do not make any reckless decisions now without seeking support and professional treatment! Again, I realize it's a very personal decision but most therapists advise against making life altering decisions when you are very depressed and so I wonder if perhaps your decision might be different if you were feeling better?
Is the child's father with you? How is that relationship? Do you have any friends or family you could turn to that might be supportive? Have you tried any therapists, hotlines, mental health agencies or clergy? I know from experience that if you reach out enough, SOMEONE will hear your pain and help you.
Please be gentle with yourself and post again whenever you feel the need. Hugs, Lori
Erin
Hi Maddie,
The board has been so busy lately that Im not sure if I had a chance to welcome you to the board yet... so if not then im doing it now hehehe
*hugs
(((((((Maddie))))))), I'm glad you're here!