Am I bipolar? (poss.trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Am I bipolar? (poss.trigs)
6
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 3:17pm
I was diagnosed with depression about 3 months ago, and I have not seen much improvement. I get a lot of mood swings, that either make me excited/hyper/sometimes agitated...or depressed/suicidal. Yesterday, and still today, I have been feeling depressed. I seemed to be in the depressed mood more often. Even though my doctor raised the dose, I still feel bad when I get those sudden changes in moods. I can be happy, and then one minute later, I am lying on my bed crying/having suicidal thoughts. I get these during school and it is totally unpredictable. Did my doctor diagnose me wrong? I don't know. I am also neurotic...which means that I think that everyone has a problem with me. I get anxious when I am in a waiting room, or I am at school in class where people look at me. I think that they are making fun of me when I see them laughing with their friends, or that they are thinking poorly of me. I can't get rid of that, but my heart rate increases and my breathing gets harder...and I basically have a panic attack. Last night I had a nightmare where my sister jumped off a building and killed herself. I could see her falling...and then I jumped to another scene where I was in the ocean drowning and I had no energy to get out, so I drowned...when I am depressed, I have really bad dreams.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 4:33pm

HI Krazy!


It may not be that your Doctor diagnosed you incorrectly, its a very fine line between the different forms of depression and im sure he went by the symptoms you described at the time.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 5:28pm

Hi, I am bipolar.

    CL for The

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 8:36pm
Hi, ((((((Kat)))))))!
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 10:08pm
(((((((TRIGS)))))))


Thanks for the help. My psychiatrist does psychotherapy, also...so I see her once a week. My friends all think that I am bipolar, because they think I am insane. School is tough because I can't get through the day that easily...and the teachers think that I am just lazy and/or a bad student. I can't just give myself more energy. I eat three meals a day, drink coffee in the morning, and excercize, but I am always low on energy, but at night I have insomnia. When I am hyper, my friends usually have to restrain me so that I won't break anything/hurt anyone, because I am sooooooo high on energy that I can't even sit still, which is another problem at school. Sometimes I feel like just running out of class because I can't handle it.

My health teacher knows I'm...different...because I had safety pins in my arm. She sent me to the school psychologist, who called my psychiatrist, who called my mom, who took me for an appointment right then. Worst day of my life. I see my doctor on Friday. This may just be hormones driving me crazy, but I think that it may be a little more severe because it makes me unable to function. People at our school get mood swings, too, but at least they can work in class when I am hyper or depressed...I shut down. I can't work, and I feel numb like I am not there. This happens a lot, so it is affecting my grades a lot. I have a D in three classes! My mom and dad will kill me when I get my report card on Monday. They will flip out, over a stupid grade. But I can't fail 8th grade. I should be in special ed, because I am dumb...or at least I think. People always are telling me how smart I am, I help my friends with homework and classwork when I have the motivation/energy. The counselor at my school knows what's goin on, and she suggested maybe moderating the amount of homework I get or extensions on projects. I don't know if that is a good idea. It may be okay, but I am in a G/T class and they expect a whole lot. Luckily, I am dropping out of one G/T course next year (English). I don't see the need to be in advanced classes. I am a scientist, not a novelist.

I was thinking about taking logs of my moods during the day. I keep an online diary, but I can't say everything because my friends/cousins read it.

http://www.gotdiary.com/users/ravenness

I keep a separate diary that I write in my deeper thoughts that I don't wish for other people to know. It is like therapy, and helps, but sometimes I forget (or don't have the energy) to write every day. I only have 45 minutes to talk with my therapist a week, and I can never really get through what I have to say in one day. I usually put something off for the next time, but then I forget and then my problem never gets solved. I have had other problems, too, like I am very nervous in social situations, or places where I have to be around people. I am slightly neurotic about it. I go into a panic attack when I sit in a waiting room, because if someone looks at me, or is whispering to someone else, I think that they are saying bad things about me...and they might be. At school, people really do say weird stuff about me:

"She's so crazy."

"I heard she is in therapy." -I don't know how they knew...I didn't tell anyone.

"Is she going out with SAM?!"

"My god she is weird."

This is only a few of what my friends have told me they heard about me. I am very self-conscious. If someone tells me that they don't like my shirt, I never wear it again. That has been going on ever since I started school.

Here I go again writing a novel for a post. I write too much. I am sorry that you have to read all this and be burdened with my problems. I should probably just leave because I don't think anyone likes me anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 10:37pm
Hey KrazyKat,

I didn't read anyone else's response to your post, but it sounds to me like you are NOT bipolar.

Mood swings are normal for depression. I've always bad big mood swings. They are sometimes associated with sugar highs and lows, sometimes not. I've had depression since I was a little kid.

Bipolar disorder is characterized by prolonged periods of depression and prolonged periods of mania. Mania means staying up all night, having grandiose beliefs about yourself, maybe painting a room or starting a major project spontaneously and working on it for a few days with no sleep. Mania often even includes delusions and hallucinations.

Bipolar II is a lesser form of bipolar. Instead of the extreme mania, you have hypomania. This means energetic, productive periods of several days or more that are not as extreme as mania. It doesn't sound like you have this either. This does not include such times as when you are under stress for a deadline, are recently in love, or have some other external factor that has temporarily revved up your adrenaline.

I want you to know that you are incredible well-spoken and aware. It's hard to believe that you are only 13! You come across as very intelligent, mature, and insightful.

Believe me, we all had paranoia about people talking about us and looking at us when we were teens. That's part of being a teenager! My mom once told me that she used to worry about what everyone thought of her until she realized that they were all too busy thinking about themselves! Boy is that the truth. I used to be mortified if I had a pimple or spill on my clothes. But people really don't give others more than a passing thought. Even if they judge you, the thought is gone the next minute. It has no lasting effect with them.

You should know that hormones fluctuate wildly in your teen years. You physically need more sleep than people of any other age group. Your biological clock naturally wants to stay up until at least 11 pm and sleep until 8 am at the earliest. These are facts that have been proven in many studies. Hormones are powerful things. I think I've only realized how they affect me the last few years.

I also think that being a group of your peers at that age really sucks. They are all super insecure. They try to make up for it by actingl like they are worldly. Anyone who needs to act worldly and judgmental has NO idea what the world is really about.

Have you read "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD? It's a great book for taking a look at your thoughts. When you start to see it's your beliefs that pull you down, you can take charge of them. If only I had known at your age what I finally know at my age: That things aren't a big deal. That I don't have to be perfect, and that I don't have to think things are all good or all bad. It would have helped me SOOOO much.

Don't worry too much about your diagnosis. The most important thing is that you recognize that you are amazing to be able to function at the level you do when you have depression. Give yourself credit for your bravery and your drive to find out more about your condition. You are so much more mature and insightful than people even ten years old than you! Trust me on this. I'm 33 and I've met a lot of clueless people in my life.

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 11:27pm
Thank you. Maybe I am at least half sane. My hormones drive me nuts...I want to kill them. I think that maybe depression is making the mood swings (which are normal) seem a lot worse. Thanks for the explanations about the different types of bipolar. I don't have hallucinations/delusions, so I don't think I have it. Thank you thank you thank you!