New & have a lot of ???? (Trigs)
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-08-2004 - 3:36am |
I quit my jobs, my husband doesn't make enough without me working, & we are So broke. Not enough for rent, low on food... & I can't bring myself to go get a job. Heck, I don't want to leave the house! If I have to go get the mail I get all upset. I have to go to the grocery store, I cry. If the phone rings...I cringe & screen my calls. I feel like a hermit & not the person I know I was before. What am I going to do?
I just last week started going to counseling. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Last time I sat there & complained & whined for the entire hour! Is that what you do there?
I have an appointment this Friday to go see a Psychiatrist for the first time ever & get my meds evaluated... & I have NO idea what to expect. I am really scared someone is going to say I'm crazy & a bad mom because I sleep all day & my house is a mess...& just take my whole life away. This is all so scary!
I want to have energy & to feel like I have a reason to get out of bed. To stop being a lazy slob, & take a shower & get out of my pajamas at least sometimes! And I really, really want some information for my husband to read that isn't too long, but very to the point so he can realize that this is an illness & I am not faking being sick, or being lazy... :'( If anyone has ANY advice I'd really appreciate it. I am going to try & go to bed, & hopefully I can find my post again tomorrow. ^_^
Thanks for listening, even if you have no answers, it's nice to just get some of it off my chest & know the people I'm "talking" to understand where I'm coming from for the first time ever. And... Thanks in advance for not telling me to "get over it" & "suck it up & get on with my life" or to "just do it because a lot of people have things that they don't like or want to do in life". ^_^
Thanks again- Julie

Julie!!
Welcome to the board!!
*hugs
Weight gain with depression is pretty normal. Think about it, you said that you are sleeping all the time, so you aren't active and you are just storing all the fat that you eat. Exercise, although it is hard to get up and do it, will help you lose weight and is VERY good for depression.
I think alot of us can relate to not even wanting to leave the house, to sleeping all day etc. Hopefully your p-doc can help you straighten our your meds. The right med can be such a saviour!!
Nobody, especially your new p-doc, is gonna think you are crazy. You aren't doing crazy things, your are suffering from depression. You are just fine sweetie!
I know some weekends I won't even leave my house, and my depression gets REALLY bad. But then the weekends where I get up and clean and get out I feel great. It's like I forget from one week to another how staying in teh house all day affects me.
Often times people without depression find it very hard to understand depression, especially men as they deal with everything differently. You can always research depression on the 'net and ask your husband to read some material.
Take care sweetie. Hope to get to know you better.
Pamela
Depression is a chemical illness, but your chemistry can be changed or at least helped in part by techniques that show you how to gain control of your thoughts. Changing your thoughts has been proven to actually change your brain chemistry! I've suffered from depression almost my entire life. Cognitive Behavior Therapy has taught me ways to change my negative beliefs and thought patterns. However, antidepressants have helped me a lot too.
As for the sleeping, I sleep much more since I've been on Paxil. What helps me is to take my medication at a different time of day. If I take it before bed, I'm up late, then tired all day. I start to wake up again at abou 7 pm and can be awake until 3 am sometimes. It really messes me up. My psychiatriest suggested that I take my antidepressant about 6 hours earlier than I was taking it. That way, the fatigue kicks in at bedtime. I strongly suggest experimenting with that.
I completely relate to the not answering the phone thing. There were several years where I was too freaked out to even talk to someone on the phone. I felt so ashamed that I was depressed. I wanted to just disappear. Sleep was my favorite escape. It still is when I'm tired or down.
Have you looked into depression disability? I've heard that you can go on disability with depression. I don't know much about it, but I have a friend who was on disability for 3 years because of her depression. It helped her get through the worst of it. You should call Social Services to find out about that. You can also call Catholic Charities. They can direct you to the right governmental department for depression disability.
It's great that you are in therapy. Caly is right about there being many different kinds of therapy. Ask you therapist about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That has the highest success rate when it comes to depression. It works even better in conjunction with antidepressants.
Your weight gain is probably related to your medication. That's a huge weight gain in a short period of time. Some antidepressants are known for putting on the pounds. It sounds like you might want to have your psychiatrist change your medication. Wellbutrin can help with depression without the fatigue as a side effect. I had anxiety on Wellbutrin. My psychiatrist said that anxiety isn't a side effect of Wellbutrin. However, it's a stimulant, so anxiety is naturally a side effect. It definitely brought it on for me. But I've seen many on this board who had great success with Wellbutrin. As Caly said, everyone has different experiences on different medication.
I really feel for you having kids and depression. I can't imagine dealing with that. Just having kids is a major energy suck. But having them when your depressed is a nightmare!!! Give yourself credit for what you are doing. It's much more than you realize.
Who has a clean house when they have kids? Certainly not many moms I know. Definitely not the moms with more than one kid. My mom gave up on the idea of having a clean house until the last ofher kids went to college.
I'm glad you found the board. It's a wonderful, supportive place. Welcome to our little community!
All My Best,
MariaC
Thanks for such a warm welcome!!! You guys made me cry. ^_^ I will look into all the articles here... I am SO happy I found this place! My mom called yesterday & informed me that I am no longer the "Glue" that holds my family together, & my husband has stepped into that role. I just sat there & said Oh, ok. Oy. She's not very helpful.
Well anyhow... Much hugs & thanks to you!!
Julie
Thanks so much for the warm welcome! I am really glad to hear nobody is going to say I'm crazy... that was freaking me out!!! But it kind of scares me hearing that once this gets under control a bit more, I may still have some of the sadness, tiredness, etc... Oh well some is better than completely huh?
Thanks again!!! (((Pamela)))
Thank you so much for the warm welcome!! I will ask my counselor about Cognitive Behavior Therapy... sounds like something that could really help, because I know the more I know & understand what's going on, the easier it would be for me to do something about it. It sounds more like a hands on approach. ^_^
I will try & look into Depression Disability...I asked my husband about something like that a while ago, because I just feel not ready to work, & he said something about me not paying enough in being a waitress or something. (Right over my head)... ^_^
Yeah, the kids & depression sucks. My sister says I have to snap out of it, & do I want my kids growing up remembering their Mom sleeping & crying all the time? Well, I guess I can't help that much, but no, I really don't.
The house being a mess is an issue for my hubby, since his mother is a neat freak, but... hopefully after 12 years of marriage, he can learn to deal with it getting worse befotre it gets better?
Thanks again for the warm welcome (((MariaC)))