Woe is me (again) Maybe trigs??
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| Sun, 02-08-2004 - 11:28am |
Secondly, dbf told me some pretty shocking and disturbing news. He was physically abused as a child. Talk about shocker. I can't even believe it. I feel so incredibly sorry for him, and have NO idea what to do for him to make it better. Now I know why things are moving so slow, and I'm totally fine with it, but it's terrible to see him just suddenly stop (kissing or whatever) and curl up and have these flashbacks. I don't know what to do for him to make it better! I hate it. I posted at the abuse board, and some of the gals gave me a few suggestions. Either way, not sure how to deal with all this.
Between everything that's happening, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, or an ulcer! GOD!! Please just think of me if nothing else. I'm sorry to be a pain. Lov eyou all.
Trix

I'm sorry for all the stress you are under. I don't know what the situation is like for you in your apartment, but I urge you not to move back hom with your abusive father. I moved in with my sister when I was going through a tough time 8 years ago. It was the worst mistake I've ever made. She was sooo abusive! I went into a major depression, worse than I was already in. And it took me 6 years to be able to function again. Stay away from family members who are abusive and trigger the worst issues you have. There is only pain in that direction.
As for your boyfriend, you know what it's like to be abused. You need love and tenderness. You need to feel like love won't be taken away when you are vulnerable. Just hold him and kiss him. My dh has been through horrid physical and sexual abuse. When he goes through tough times, I hold his head in my arms and gently kiss his face. He loves that. It's so sweet.
I recommend the book "I Don't Want to Talk About: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real. It's an awesome book. Both you and your boyfriend will benefit from reading it. The author himself was physically abused as a child.
Can your boyfriend get into a support group? Has he thought of posting on the abuse board here? Men have come to this board before. I'm sure they can post on that board too.
I'm sorry that you lost your post. I've lost several myself. It's so frustrating, especially after I've put a lot of thought and effort into writing a long response to someone in pain. I guess that's the curse of technology. My laptop was fixed last month and the repair people lost all of my data. I didn't have anything backed up. It was everything from the last 3 years. What a pain. But I figure if it's lost, it's lost. Nothing I can do about it.
C'est la life, right?
Hope things get better. Remember that not moving in with your parents is probably a major blessing. If your dad is abusive, living with him would be worse than almost anything. His abuse is what caused your pain in the first place. It will affect you worse than anything.
All My Best,
MariaC
And about the bf...I had a very close friend who was sexually abused/raped by a family member..He had a lot of issues because of it. And knowing about what happened to him hurt me so much..I don't think I did much, but he's still one of my best friends..
I hope things turn out okay..
You know I love ya..
Jenn