Woe is me (again) Maybe trigs??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Woe is me (again) Maybe trigs??
2
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 11:28am
Ok, life for me as I know it keeps getting progressively worse. To start off, I wrote a huge long post, and guess what!? The powers that be, wiped it out. I can't believe how dumb I am. Needless to say, I need some comfort from you all. I dont' even know where to start. Ok...well, for starters, work is a mess. All this non-work related crap is piling over into my professional life now, and I don't even know how to separate the two of them. Moving is stressful enough, but moving back home is another thing. Last night my father (the physically and verbally abusive father mind you) was ranting and raving about how I wasn't going to be able to move home, and that I'll just have to figure something out. Maybe I should just stay at the apt. that I'm at now, and just deal with the BS that's going on there. I don't know what to do.

Secondly, dbf told me some pretty shocking and disturbing news. He was physically abused as a child. Talk about shocker. I can't even believe it. I feel so incredibly sorry for him, and have NO idea what to do for him to make it better. Now I know why things are moving so slow, and I'm totally fine with it, but it's terrible to see him just suddenly stop (kissing or whatever) and curl up and have these flashbacks. I don't know what to do for him to make it better! I hate it. I posted at the abuse board, and some of the gals gave me a few suggestions. Either way, not sure how to deal with all this.

Between everything that's happening, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, or an ulcer! GOD!! Please just think of me if nothing else. I'm sorry to be a pain. Lov eyou all.

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 3:27pm
Trix,

I'm sorry for all the stress you are under. I don't know what the situation is like for you in your apartment, but I urge you not to move back hom with your abusive father. I moved in with my sister when I was going through a tough time 8 years ago. It was the worst mistake I've ever made. She was sooo abusive! I went into a major depression, worse than I was already in. And it took me 6 years to be able to function again. Stay away from family members who are abusive and trigger the worst issues you have. There is only pain in that direction.

As for your boyfriend, you know what it's like to be abused. You need love and tenderness. You need to feel like love won't be taken away when you are vulnerable. Just hold him and kiss him. My dh has been through horrid physical and sexual abuse. When he goes through tough times, I hold his head in my arms and gently kiss his face. He loves that. It's so sweet.

I recommend the book "I Don't Want to Talk About: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real. It's an awesome book. Both you and your boyfriend will benefit from reading it. The author himself was physically abused as a child.

Can your boyfriend get into a support group? Has he thought of posting on the abuse board here? Men have come to this board before. I'm sure they can post on that board too.

I'm sorry that you lost your post. I've lost several myself. It's so frustrating, especially after I've put a lot of thought and effort into writing a long response to someone in pain. I guess that's the curse of technology. My laptop was fixed last month and the repair people lost all of my data. I didn't have anything backed up. It was everything from the last 3 years. What a pain. But I figure if it's lost, it's lost. Nothing I can do about it.

C'est la life, right?

Hope things get better. Remember that not moving in with your parents is probably a major blessing. If your dad is abusive, living with him would be worse than almost anything. His abuse is what caused your pain in the first place. It will affect you worse than anything.

All My Best,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 4:40pm
Oh, hon...I didn't realize your dad was physically abusive as well as verbally..*sigh* Neither of your choices there seem good for you...have you tried looking for someone else who needs a roommate? Even if it is just temporary?

And about the bf...I had a very close friend who was sexually abused/raped by a family member..He had a lot of issues because of it. And knowing about what happened to him hurt me so much..I don't think I did much, but he's still one of my best friends..

I hope things turn out okay..

You know I love ya..

Jenn