My so-called Life
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My so-called Life
| Mon, 02-09-2004 - 12:09am |
I just don't know what to do with my life. I have this continual feeling of depair, hopelessness, unhappiness... the list goes on and on. I hesitate to say that I am really depressed b/c I know that some aspects of my life are okay. My mother has a lot to do with why I'm so miserable a lot of the time. She favors my younger brother and everything that he is doing w/ his life. I think I'm the loser b/c I can't find a job and I still live at home. She is constantly making snide comments to me about something or another. She always puts down my friends and things that they do, but hardly ever comments on his friends. I usually don't cry in front of other people, but the past couple of months I just haven't been able to contain myself. She has seen me crying at least twice. The first time, she asked what was wrong, and just told me that we'd talk about it the next day. We never did. She never brought it up, and just acted like she never saw me do it in the first place. I was crying over something pretty stressful and new to me this week, and she told me to stop crying, that I was silly. She gave me a dirty look like it was a sin to cry over my problems, and that just made me want to cry even more. Gee, thanks for the support, mom. About my job search- It's not that I don't try to find a job, but when you look for so long and nothing comes available, it can get discouraging and frustrating. I can't find a job in the field that I love, and that I majored in, and this upsets me. Now I'm afraid I'll have to take some other job (if I can find one) doing something I hate just to make money. I'm starting to think no one wants to hire me, that I'm worthless, that I'm too fat, that I act totally stupid in my interviews, etc. It's so disheartening that I lose the motivation to even look for a job.
I hate the thought of growing up, of being seperated from my family, of nothing being the same ever again, etc. It's just so overwhelming. I wish I could see a therapist, but I can't afford it.
Am I the only one out here who has experienced these problems? What can I do to overcome it all? I know it will help a little if I can ever find a job and move out, but not totally. I'll miss my animals and my dad more than I can imagine, and I'm afraid I'll be even more depressed over life changes, a new job, being away from home... I just really dislike my life. I struggle to say the word "hate" but I do think that sometimes. I just sometimes wish I was never born.
I hate the thought of growing up, of being seperated from my family, of nothing being the same ever again, etc. It's just so overwhelming. I wish I could see a therapist, but I can't afford it.
Am I the only one out here who has experienced these problems? What can I do to overcome it all? I know it will help a little if I can ever find a job and move out, but not totally. I'll miss my animals and my dad more than I can imagine, and I'm afraid I'll be even more depressed over life changes, a new job, being away from home... I just really dislike my life. I struggle to say the word "hate" but I do think that sometimes. I just sometimes wish I was never born.

(((ktbear)))
I had to reply to you .
CL for The
I wish I could encourage you about the job market, but there's not much there that's encouraging. My fiance was laid off from a career he'd had for 15 years.