To ROSE -- ROSA444
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| Mon, 02-09-2004 - 3:09pm |
I spent quite a bit of time last night reading through the emails you referred to on the other board and sending you a long response.
But apparently the Powers That Be, or the CLs that Be decided that my response was inappropriate. So they deleted it.
Anyway, the jist of my post to you is that the other person was very unnecessarily hurtful. For someone to write such an attack to another poster is cruel and arrogant. To write such things to someone suffering from depression is vicious. Write such things to someone who is suicidal is just plain inhumane.
If someone could write the things that woman wrote to you, it is only fair and proper that others should be able to take direct issue with the person who attacked you.
I was extremely offended by what the person on that other board said to you. She had no right to speak to you that way. I know well the kind of pain that such abuse causes, especially to those of us struggling with depression and low self-esteem.
Rose, I know so well what it's like to go through debilitating illness like the one you have. I have told you before about the details of my struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ten years ago. I did not have depression at the same time. I cannot imagine having to deal with both at once. It was horrible having to deal with those two issues at two SEPARATE times in my life.
We all have varying levels of our illnesses. We all have abilities to cope with our illnesses. Some people go on disability because they can't leave their homes. Some, like me, work out of our homes so that we have the flexibility to take care of ourselves with sleep and isolation when we need to. Some people live with their parents, some people have spouses that help them out tremendously.
Rose, no one has the right to judge how someone else is coping with their disease. I have the same levels of sensitivity to people's attacks that you have. They send me into a tailspin. Just as you said, it's because they bring out my worst fears about myself. You have high standards for yourself. That is part of the psyche that creates depression. I know because I have the same kinds of standards for myself.
Having compassion towards ourselves is part of healing. Learning to accept my ability to deal with life is part of what helps me feel happier. When I can accept my limits and love myself just as I am, I don't get so frustrated and hopeless about life.
If you choose to go back to that other board, you can always program ivillage to "ignore" the posts of the person who attacked you. I think that means that you won't see her messages anymore.
I hope that this post goes through. I spent a lot of time and thought on the one I sent last night. I didn't realize that Ivillage has higher censorship standards than television shows aimed at children under 10 years of age.
My final message to you Rose, is that you are no different than the rest of us here. We all at times think we are the lowest, most worthless people around. That's the DISEASE! That's how depression makes you feel. IT ISN'T TRUE!!! Not for you and not for me.
All My Best,
MariaC
Edited 2/9/2004 5:22:04 PM ET by cal70

Maria My Friend!
I realize you are upset as any of us would be in a similar situation... What you need to keep in mind though is
*hugs
I also apologize for posting about another board...I didn't mean for it to cause trouble on this board. I did really appreciate your support, and it helped me see that maybe I wasn't totally "in the wrong"...but I don't feel like the other person deserves criticism when she has previously been very nice and helpful to me. I think she was only telling me what everyone else was afraid to say...although I know that could be construed as my depression talking.
I want to respond to each part of your post and tell you how grateful I am for your understanding...but I have just returned from my first day of typing from 8 to 5...and I did survive, although my hands and back are pretty sore now! So to sum it up, I can completely relate to everything you posted to me (especially about the tailspin that can be set off by an apparently small problem), and I honestly feel lucky to know someone as kind and compassionate as you. You've helped me see the situation in a more balanced and realistic light, and that could be a first step for me in deciding that my life is worth living.
Sorry to sound so over-dramatic...but it's true!
Rose
Rose I think you meant that
*hugs
Sorry, but thank you for your post too,
Rose
Blessings,
co-CL of Depression Support
You didn't cause any trouble at all. I just got so mad when I read what the other people wrote to you. I understand that it can be frustrating to try to help someone who has up and down days and who has not healed. But I've been in your shoes, Rose. In fact, sometimes I'm still in them. I still don't have as much energy as most other people I know. And sometimes I go into a tailspin too, like last week when I found out about my ex-boyfriend's new wife being pregnant. I feel like these boards are for those of us chronically struggling with things. It's not up to anyone else to decide that we should suddenly be better.
At one point while I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I went on a hypoglycemic diet. It made me worse. My sister got really mad at me. She accused me of "faking the whole thing to get attention." She didn't believe that I was really sick. She said I was doing it to avoid life and to get my mom's love. I understand that she was frustrated that she had helped me and I hadn't gotten better. However, I WAS sick. I tried everything that anyone recommended. I went to 5 different doctors. I had probably fifty different blood tests run, for everything from thyroid to mono to AIDS. I even did this 5 hour glucose tolerance test that was a nightmare. I took medication. I went on Prozac. I tried different diets. I spoke to people who had been sick with the same symptoms as me for 10 years, and had NEVER gotten better. One woman had to give up her Wall Street Stock broker life and move back in with her parents when she was 35 years old.
My boyfriend finally met someone who had been through my symptoms for several years, then been cured by a doctor nearby. I immediately went on the diet that doctor recommended. I started to see him as soon as I could get in. I followed his diet to the letter. I SLOWLY got better. It took 9 months of diet and taking a dangerous antifungal before I was back to my pre-illness condition.
I found a cure. However, many people thought I was full of it. I got better grades when I was sick than my sister got in college as a healthy person, but she accused me to "faking it" to avoid my life. People can be cruel. The only person who was totally understanding was my mom. She had hypothyroid for a year before the doctor figured out what it was. Since she knew what it was to be sick with no cure and no proof that you even had an illness, she was totally there for me.
Rose, I really feel for you. Just know that sometimes people who aren't bad people can be very cruel and insensitive. I'm still mad at what that CL said about having no sympathy. None of us knows what it is like to be someone else. Compassion is the most important thing that we can give to ourselves and to each other.
You didn't cause any problems. Your reaction was a very reasonable one for someone with your struggles. Taht's why I got mad at the posters. People need to be sensitive to those in need. If they don't like what you said, they can ignore your post. They do not have a right to attack the validity of your pain and suffering.
All My Love,
MariaC