I think the relationship is over *trigge

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I think the relationship is over *trigge
5
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 10:06pm
My fiance and I are not doing so well, we had a rough weekend. I asked that he not call me for a little while, and instead that we can talk via email. When he read the email we happened to be on the phone because he had called me. He immediately said that we should get off the phone because of the email. So we got off the phone but I told him we could email each other. Well he hasnt emailed me at all. We talked yesterday and no email. He has lots of opportunity to email me at work and at home.

Does this mean he doesnt love me....I think we are truly over. I cant imagine my life without him. I want to die without him and I miss him so much. I just want him to be by my side, to cuddle with me and talk with me and just be happy.

I miss you baby please show me a sign
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 11:53pm
I'm sure that your fiance is very hurt that you said you didn't want to talk to him. Telling him you should only email probably doesn't seem like much of a consolation to him right now. Being told that you can't talk to someone you love, especially your fiance would make you feel very hurt, don't you think? He probably feels hurt by your suggestion that you not talk on the phone, just as you feel hurt that he hasn't emailed.

Many of us have the instinct to pull away and put up walls when we are hurt. We may want to the other person to reach out to us inside of our walls, but it is scary for them to do that. No one wants to risk rejection again after having been rejected by someone they care about that much.

If you are serious about getting married, then you need to be serious about creating safety in the relationship. That means that both people talk out problems without trying to take control or set unfair rules for the other. That means being vulnerable when everything in you says "run!"

It's hard to create safety for both people in a relationship. It takes work. But just because you are having problems right now doesn't mean your relationship is over. Every relationship has dramatic moments. The best thing you could do is to call you fiance to tell him that you are sorry for making a rule like no calling instead of talking out the problems that you had.

I don't know the issues you had over the weekend. Whatever they are, it's probably best to try to work things out rather than not talk. Not talking only creates barriers and worse problems.

Good luck with your fiance.

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:07pm


Could you tell us why you asked him not to call you for a while?

that way we could better help you with what is going on with you and him.

I am sure that he still loves you and maybe just needs time to think about things, but if you could give some background info that would be great.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:34pm
I have the impression I am a bad person here. I think its unfair the response I got it seems like I did something really bad and it seems like ppl assume I did something wrong and that it wasnt bad what the other person did. I guess what do I expect I didnt put it all down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:23pm

Hi, ((((((Hon)))))))!

AcornLeaves
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 12:53am
Thank you so much I appreciate it so much :)