having a hard time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
having a hard time
4
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 1:52am
well, i got people to cover the rest of my shifts at that auto show. now i am feeling like a failure because i couldn't stick it out. it was better, but still had the lingering bad taste of the woman i hate and being somewhere i didn't want to be for insulting pay. it was really wearing me out, but now i am upset with myself because i could've used the rest of the money. oh well, i did what i felt like i had to do. i really don't feel right though, i don't know if it was all of that setting me off and i'm not back on track yet, or the fact that during that time i wasn't taking my meds enough (when my stomach is bad, i can't always take my prozac because i have to eat it with a full meal or my stomach is bad) anyways, i feel badly that i wasn't taking care of my self well enough, but it is always tough when i am having trouble with my stomach. whatever. i have something else that i am so upset about i am kind of obsessing over, so maybe you guys have some insight...

in the past year, i have gotten to be very close with a girl that i met through modeling- you could call her my best friend. she is only 20, but always seemed wise beyond her years and we got along so well. when i was first dating my boyfriend, a bunch of my girl friends and his guy friends went out to dinner together. this girl hit it off with one of the guys who decided she was too young for him, but we should fix her up with his younger brother. months passed, and my friend and i were very close but i started seeing her copying me like a little sister- picking up things that were unique to me and making them hers. i tried to ignore it because she was such a close friend at that point and i figured that happens sometimes. well, for new years' she wanted to come with me to my boyfriends' friend's party (the one with the brother- they live together in a gorgeous apt)- i'll start making this story shorter. she came, got drunk, stayed over and slept with the younger brother then called me crying the next day. she made a big deal for the next month as he called her that she thought he was annoying, unattractive, and that she couldn't even force herself to be interested. after a series of events, she decided she likes hanging out at his great apartment and was eating up all of his stories about being rich and taking her on vacations and all of a sudden had this relationship start this past few weeks that is completely ridiculous. she changed her whole way she talked about this guy- has practically moved in with him- has a toothbrush at his place and is acting like she is so in love with this guy she loathed a few weeks ago. everything she says are things that have come out of my mouth about my relatiopnship, and she is even comparing him to my boyfriend but adding things as if she is saying he is like my bf but better. she'll also talk to me sitting next to the guy about something very personal between me and my boyfriend that she will bring up, only she is obviously saying it for his ears. she is kind of mocking us- the tone is that she is in this perfect relationship and she is downplaying mine and acting like it is nothing special! i am so upset about this, i can't stand talking to her. i am infuriated just thinking about it! i don't like her acting like she is me, and talking about all of my boyfriend's friends now as if they are her best buddies.

i don't like feeling like she is trying to live my life, and feeling like she is intruding on my life. every time things like this have happened to me, they have ended up ruining my relationships with boys i am dating. i don't want anything to be able to touch this relationship. this is real for me, and this is the guy i want to marry. i feel like i can't even talk to her because things are already starting to get twisted and i feel like i am in high school with her. she may be playing house with this situation, but this is my life and i don't want it messed up. i don't want her imature behavior reflecting on me and i can't stand her being in this situation anymore, especially in the fake way that she is. i hate that i ever suggested this would be a good idea. i am so sorry to go on and on, it is just really bothering me and i am trying to get enough details to tell the story.

if you have read this, you rock. and any help would be greatly appreciated! PLEASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 8:52am
Don't worry sweetie. The auto show is boring anyway! Just know that. As far as your little friend, mimicing is the utmost form of flattery. I know. I'm retarded. Honestly, I know you can find better friends than this girl. She is obviously using this guy and mostlikely you too. I know it's not easy to take in, as I just lost a friend myself. I can't give awhole lot of advice todya, but just know that you CAN do better. And you will! I'm also sorry about your meds, but please keep taking them.

Trixie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:24am

((((((Honey)))))), I am not going to give you a long reply right now, but I want you to know I saw it.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:43am



i WANT TO START WITH THE AUTO SHOW...

DONT EVEN WORRY ABOUT THAT ANYMORE IT IS ANCIENT HISTORY AS OF THE DAY YOU DECIDED NOT OT DO IT ANYMORE, IT IS NO LONGER SOMETHING FOR YOU TO STRESS ABOUT SO PLEASE TRY NOT TO DO THAT.

As for your "friend" you need to drop her like a hot potatoe she is so not worth your time or energy, she seems to be sucking the life out of you at a very slow rate.

who does she think she is to start to make you feel bad about your relationship or try to destroy your faith in the relationship you have with your boyfriend she is jealious that is what it is she wishes that she had what you had and seems to be willing to do whatever it takes to have it including attempting to ruin your self worth your faith your relationship with your boyfriend and your friendship with her do not fall into that trap cut her loose and move on from her.

I dont understand women sometimes, I have few very female friends and the ones I do have I trust completley none of my friends would ever do that to me and this women that you are friends with is giving the rest of us a bad name by being a gold digger and being with some one that she finds annoying and unattractive just because he has money and a great place to live she has no values and she has no self worth and she needs things like that to make her feel like she is worth something when in fact she is showing the rest of the world how she really feels about herself.

Hun you are an awesome person you need to take care of yourself take your meds treat yourself right and be happy appreciate the small things and be in awe of the big things love the life you were given and things will all fall into place for you.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:33pm
VogueGirl,

I think everyone has given great feedback.

I know how it is having a bad taste in your mouth from a toxic boss. Time will help you put it out of your mind. Remember that you have to take exquisitie care of yourself because you struggle with this disease. I give myself permission to stay out of toxic relationships. I know that's what I need for myself. When you have a history of emotional abuse, it makes it that much more imperative that you put yourself in nurturing environments. No money is worth abuse. I told one guy we were planning to make a multimillion dollar deal with that I would rather live in a shack in Kansas than be in his toxic, shame-based company.

It was pretty funny.

I can't believe your friend. Obviously, she's in major competition with you. But beyond that, she has so little sense of herself that she mimicks you and gets her self-esteem from putting you down.

But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

I'd recommend talking to her very nicely. If you piss her off, she will only bad mouth you more. So just ask her nicely if she could not talk about your personal life with other people, or in front of other people. Than if she does that again in front of her boyfriend, you will have the opening to say, "Hey sweetie, remember how I asked you to keep those things between us?" That way you are letting other people know that she's the one with the lack of discretion.

Otherwise, avoid this chick like the plague! She probably felt less than you before. She's making an effort to make herself more than you. She's trying to look important in this guy's eyes by putting you down. That's wrong and bad.

I know it's sad to lose a close friend, but I think you already lost the friend. I've lost a lot of friends over the years. It's always sad. But the main thing is that you need to take care of yourself.

I agree that you should tell your boyfriend what's she's doing. He's mature and caring enough to get it. This will give him a heads up. It will help you both keep her behavior in perspective if you do have to see her. But still avoid the other guy's house if you suspect she will be there. Heck, avoid his house either way. You can always meet with your boyfriend's friend in other venues.

I gotta head up to LA now. Hope that helped some.

Take Care,

MariaC