I just want to scream and run away!
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| Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:33am |
I am recently married. My wife has two daughters from her ex husband. They are 13 and 11.
My wife is pregnant with my first child. (unplanned)
Now, I love my wife very much and I even love the girls. Most of the time we all get along great. However, the girls constantly fight and throw tantrums. My wife lets them run all over her and I have a hard time stepping up to bat to discipline the girls. But, that is another problem. We don't know HOW to discipline them. We take stuff away. THey don't care. We say they can't go anywhere. They scream and slam doors. Then my wife goes to bed crying and I am left listening to it and I don't know what to do. I come from a family that took out the paddle when we backtalked. I can't hit my stepkids but sometimes I want to. We're living in a tiny house and are having a hard time affording things. My wife thinks I am unhappy and she might loose me. I know I will never leave my wife but sometimes I just want to get away from it all for a while. Is that bad of me? I just don't know what to do. We never have time to just my wife and me. Everything revolves around the girls. I know a woman puts her kids first but can't I come first even sometimes? I mean, I feel cheated. I work 60+ hours a week and every penny I make goes to the family. I used to be able to travel, have peaceful evenings to myself, and buy things for myself. Now I can't. I know that sounds selfish and it is a little. What is wrong with wanting to do some of that again? I sound like an aweful person. I'm just so stressed out. I love my family. I just hate being there sometimes. Once again, I am "tough enough" to stay. I will never leave. I just need a break. Or something. Something to ease the pain. Something just for me or at least just for me and my wife. Is that so bad?

Welcome, Popeye!
Well Im wondering if there are some issues behind the slamming of doors that the kids have. Maybe they felt like they did not have a say in your marriage? Not that they dont like you! But maybe they just feel like they have no control over their home life. They also may have just learned to behave that way so that they could have some kind of attention. I think the tantrums go deeper than it seems.
Can you try to sit down with them and ask them about their lives, their thoughts and feelings? Try to do it in a relaxed caring way.
If this doesnt work, I recommend a family counsellor. If it isnt taken care of, I think there could be resentment that could build up.
I can understand and feel your frustration...I dont know how you are so patient with them!!!
They need to learn RESPECT.
It sounds like it's pretty hectic in your house. And you certainly have the right to be involved and have some say so. I'm the mother of 3 girls (granted, they are younger, 5,3 and 1), but I know how hectic life can be with them. But they certainly need to respect you. What I would suggest is that you guys have a family meeting where you all sit down and everybody gets to say what they like and what they don't like without being interrupted. Then you can work on a solution. They need to understand that in order to get things, they need to earn your respect first.
I hope you can work things out.
Hugs Ilka