fears--something to think about

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
fears--something to think about
4
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 12:27pm


We all are afraid of something, some are afraid of spiders or snakes or flying.....

Others have such huge fears that they consume our thoughts and dont let us live and someof us have been there and overcame those fears.

I am one of those peole who has such huge fears that I do not live my life.

I want to list my fears out maybe some can relate others may laugh at me or others may think about it for a moment and decide that I have nothing to fear at all, whatever you all may think for me it is very real and very life consuming.

I am afraid to travel, I want to go to Ireland but I dont go cause I am afraid that my plane will crash or I will lose my money or iwont have fun anything that could go wrong I believe will go wrong.

I am afraid to gain weight it started out as something that I could control now it controls me I have such a fear of that it takes over my whole day each and every day of my life, I feel guilty when I eat, I feel guilty when I gt bloated I feel so horrible if my pants are a little tight, I cant enjoy my life because I feel that others think that I am a pig, and I will do whatever it takes to be thin or die trying.

I am afraid to move to Arizona, that I wont make it there or I will have a breakdown or that my son wont want his mom around I would be going there with no family no friend nothing, what if I dont make it there.

I am afraid to go to school what if the teacher doesnt like me what if I fail what if I am too stupid.

I am afriad of people what if they see the real me and dont like me at all what if they dont like what they see, I am afraid to date what if they think I am mean have a horrible figure horrible personality what if they think I am ugly or empty what if they see right thru me.

I am afriad of life I am safe in my room away from others that way I can not be judged pointed at or blamed for thing, I do go out but I keep myself away from people I dont really talk I used to be able to talk to anyone but that part of my life got sucked out of me.

I am afraid to take chances any kind of chance is very hard for me I am afraid to be alone I am so lonley right now and I am afraid that I will die alone that I will never be loved yet I am afriad to have someone love me because that risks getting hurt and I dont want to ever feel that again .

I know I have babbled on enough so I will end this I just needed to get this off my chest thanks ladies.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 2:15pm
awww, erin.... sending hugs your way. it is so hard for some, myself included, to relinguish the control. to say whatever happens, happens and it will be okay. i try so hard to be prepared for what could go wrong tomorrow or the next day or the next year that i ruin what could be good today. ever heard the saying happiness is a journey, not a destination? if you moved to arizona i am sure that you would make it after an adjustment period. your son loves you and of course he will want you. when he gets older he will realize what a sacrifice it was for you to move and he will appreciate it even more. i know what you mean about school, i am always so scared of looking stupid too. but i am getting to the point that i just don't care what others think, especially strangers. the only stupid question is the one you don't ask. you are a smart woman, i am sure you could do fine in school. sure, you are safe in your room, but you are missing out on your life sweetie. there is so much out there. believe me. i missed out on so much while i was married and just now starting to live again. it is a scary world, but there is so much wonder out there. sending you warm wishes to comfort you and give you strength. hugs.

~stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:02pm
Oh love, what are we gonna do with you?? Let me tell you. You are a FABULOUS person, and a great mom. Honestly. You always seem to put others in front of yourself, and I think that's where a lot of your fear stems from. All of your fears are legitamate, however, I don't feel that they should consume your life like they are doing. Yes, sometimes things do go wrong, but you can't live your life always wondering "what if." Believe me, I know. I think that your biggest fear is just trying to think on your own, and sticking by your gut reaction. I've slowly gotten out of that phase in my life, and believe me, I'm a different person now! I used to say what if ALL the time, and that just made my life horrible. Now, I'm thinking more of the moment stuff, rather than what if, and I feel so liberated. You deal with the crap when it happens, which it rarely does. Just start by baby steps. Instead of planning out what you'll have for dinner, put it off till an hour or so before and think, hmmm...what do I want!? From there, increase the complexities of your decisions. Sounds goofy, but maybe it will work. Just know that you shouldn't be afraid of new things, and that I'm 99.9% sure that nothing horrible/bad is going to happen. Take care, and thinking of you!

Trixie

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:46pm
Hi Erin, remember me? We talked in the chat room and I had fun talking with you. I was excited that you seemed interested in me, and I left the room feeling good inside. Thank You :)



In response to your post, I dont think there is anything funny about It. Anyone who would laugh at you would be a putts and would not understand. I know there wont be anyone here and probably no one else out there who would laugh at what you wrote.

I want you to know that I believe you can get through this, and I think the way is to take little baby steps. Can you take for example, tiny steps toward going places? You could go for a short walk alone, and then go to the grocery store alone, and work your way up to your goals.

Do you take anti-depressants? Do you have a therapist? I know "good" therapists can be hard to find but I think it is worth the search.

Please keep on writing your thoughts and your problems, fears and desires, highs and lows. Write them here and write them on paper before you go to bed.

I know you can achieve what you want, and overcome your fears. There are two really big reasons that I think you need to do this..... One reason you need to do it is for yourself, and another is for your son.

I think your son misses his mom, he wants you. Because of the sadness you feel, and the fears you have I think he is missing out on you. You are missing out on you. You deserve the best. I find drawing very therapeutic, and although I suck at it if I do it quickly, I can do an ok job when I concentrate really hard and take my time.

Please dont hesitate to email me Please. I think you are so great. You made me feel special when i went in the chatroom. Thank you for that :) My email is campinggirl69@hotmail.com Anytime please email me and I would love to talk with you.

TAKE CARE BIG HUGS

P.S: There is a book you might like called "self matters" and a workbook called "self matters companion" by Dr Phil McGraw. I think you might find it interesting, I have it.

P.S.S: I am in school right now, and if you need any support for going back to school, I can be there for you. I have millions of fears of going to school, I even dont go a lot because of them. That is one of my goals, to go to school and feel free there. I wish you the best!! Email me :)


Edited 2/12/2004 5:10:45 PM ET by idreamy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 1:40pm
erin,

i used to be agoraphobic- if i left my house, i would start having panic attacks- i couldn't even walk around the block at one time. i felt like i couldn't tell anybody, because i thought they would think i was nuts. i started realizing that i should accept where i am and push myself a little further at a time. so i would walk one house further every day that i could. i was scared to go to school, and we set it up so at first i only had to go to one class- i sat battling a horrible panic attack the whole time and i always used to feel like i was going to throw up. (which by the way is my biggest cause of panic attacks, i am terrified of throwing up to the point where i developed ocd trying to prevent it myself and if i feel like i am going to throw up my whole body shakes and i don't understand that the world is not coming to an end and that it will pass- almost no one understands this, i have even told people and they have said "no one likes throwing up") anyways, the point is, i was crippled by my fears and i found ways to get through stuff- it was hard for me to do little things that other people didn't even think twice of, but i did it somehow (although it took time and it was hard). i had so much trouble attending classes that my high school counselor told me that i would never go to college- i ended up getting into a school that most of the kids at my high school couldn't get into and i graduated. it took me 5 years and i had to become a disability student so it was ok if i missed classes and at the end i took tests on my own set up so i wouldn't be panicing, but i did it. if you want to go to school, ask me and i will tell you all of the things that i discovered to make it easier for people with fears- lots of little secrets about the system!

anyways, enough about me. you are amazing. you have been there for me when i needed a friend and really helped me. not many people can or will do that. that tells me that you have a wonderful heart, you are obviously very intellegent (sometimes people who are TOO smart are the people who let their heads drive them crazy- a psychologist explained to me that it comes from lack of intellectual stimulation elsewhere), and you are such a special person. i know that you have the will and the ability to do anything you want to do. do one thing that scares you at a time, and do it a little bit. go on a vacation in the us first for example. try to find someone to go with you when you do go so it is easier. go to arizona to visit more, or go there without neccesarily making it a permanent thing if you are worried about it. i have had to fight for my weight- i have had to defend myself for being "too skinny" and also tell my agent that i won't lose weight when she wanted me to. this country is so weight obsessed, but when it comes down to it, all you need to be is healthy. guys always come up to me when i am at my skinniest (i have a stomach disorder which makes me skinnier sometimes) and tell me that it is unattractive and guys like girls with meat on their bones. and if they don't, who wants a shallow guy like that anyways! and speaking of that, get your butt out on a date! join an online dating group if you don't meet alot of guys, if nothing else it could help you get over your fear. guys are fun, and it doesn't work out for everyone with all but the guy(s) they marry! everyone goes on bad dates, gets rejected, and so on. but it is fun to meet new people, and i am sure guys would adore you if you let them get to know you!

i have gone on long enough, i hope something i have said has helped. you rock, and i know you can conquer your fears! if i can help with anything, just let me know!