oh so blue......

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
oh so blue......
5
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 12:33pm
I'm newer to the board and haven't posted much but I feel as though today I really need to talk to someone. I posted a little while ago giving my overall situation, I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant with twins. Being pregnant is hard enough without worrying about having to feed to mouths. Somedays I feel like I'm not going to make it or I feel as though I don't want to make it. I often think my kids would be better off with someone else. So I've been contemplating adoption lately. Maybe it's just my hormones being stupid but I feel so alone. This past year was really rough I had a bad break up the end of summer 2002 but continued to talk to him which made matters worse and to make a long story short He took everything from me. Financially I'm ruined I don't know how I'm going to make it. I had an altercation with my ex that resulted in court with a lot of fines and restitution to him because he's an jerk. In order to keep myself out of trouble I had to obtain a lawyer which has cost me and arm and a leg and I still owe him. At the current time I'm not working because my pregnancy is high risk so I've been put on restriction. So I have absolutely no income coming in except for my boyfriend's who happens to be laid off at the moment hopefully he'll be back to work in 4 weeks but nonetheless money is extremely tight. I don't have a car at the moment and can't afford one and my boyfriend has a two seater truck. Where are we going to put the kids? He keeps saying we'll buy a new car but who is he kidding we have no money. He works hard and puts in long days when he is working but I just don't see us making it. I've become so depressed over the past few weeks I just get sick to my stomach, I hardly eat, sleeping is horrible I can't remember the last night I got a decent nights sleep. I just keep thinking how much better off my kids would be with someone who could take care of them. I'm also worried because I've been depressed for such a long time if I'll be good for them. I don't want them to see me upset and stressed all the time. I'm afraid all the pressure will come between my boyfriend and I and then we'll be raising our kids in a broken home. Everyone is so excited about the kids (relatives, friends) But I feel like I'm dying inside. Somedays I think maybe I'll just take my life and it will all be over. What kind of mother am I going to be thinking I should take my life before my kids are even here. I just don't know what to do besides cry. Thank you all for listening I really needed to get that out. I'm so happy I found this board it's nice to be able to talk to someone who can understand how I feel.

Irene

EDD 05/25/04

B/G twins

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 12:41pm

((((((((((Irene))))))))))


I have 4 kids and with the last two, my DH could barely keep us afloat with his income (he had just started out in his field).

    CL for The

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 1:35pm

(((((((Irene))))))), does your OB know about how you are feeling?

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 2:20pm
Sweetie you need to get some help. Talk to your careprovider (dr or midwife), they can get you some help. I am pregnant too...my edd is 4/7 and this pregnancy has been a really rough one so I can relate as well as with my depression. Please though talk to you care provider now, b/c it gets harder after delivery. Things can be worked out, there are programs that can help you financially for the babies and you can get yourself on some medication to ease your depression. I am a RN...I work in labor and delivery so I know this for a fact. Ask for help, it's there. Let me know if you would like to email me and I'll give you my address. (((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 6:25pm
Thank you to all who replied I truly do appreciate it. It's such a relief to know there is someone out there to talk to.


(((Mom2Lex))) I would love to email each other. It's so much easier being able to talk to someone who feels the way you do and is going through some of the things you are.

So thanks once more for your responses.

Irene

EDD 05/25/04

B/G twins

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 1:16pm
Hey Irene, I really hope you can sort it out and feel better about it. It sounds like you want these children, but are afraid. Can you ask your close family members to help out as much as they can when the babies come? Maybe they can come over sometimes and help out, or take care of them so that you guys can go out alone. Can you get social assistance while you need it? Please keep writing sweety, your life is worth living. I can see that you are depressed because of all the pressure. Its ok, tomorrow is a new day and it can get better. We are here to support you. Can you talk to your mom and ask her what her opinion is?

TAKE CARE BIG HUGS