Just need someone to listen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Just need someone to listen
7
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 1:37am
I am new here. I've never posted here before. But I used boards here a few years ago to get through a difficult situation and it was very helpful. If you read this, just know that I am grateful. You don't even have to respond.

I am getting depressed again. I can feel it, and though I try to do all the stuff I learned the first time around (cognitive therapy stuff), it isn't helping. I'm sure this is depression -- verge of crying all the time, impossible to make decisions, feelings of hopelessness, etc.

I think the thing that's killing me is that I don't have a specific reason for this depression. Last time, I was so sad because I had a miscarriage about half-way through a pregnancy. That was awful, and the subsequent depression in both myself and my husband was very difficult to muddle through. I think I screwed up last time though. I had to cancel a therapy session and just never rescheduled. Then I quit taking the medication without talking to my doctor. And then I canceled my dr. appointment and never went back. I was a little surprised, based on everything that I read, that my therapist and doctor didn't try to keep my on medication and in therapy for at least a year. It lead me to believe that they didn't think I was really depressed. I think they thought that I was this whiney woman who just wanted attention. I don't think they even believed me when I said I was cutting myself and thought about checking out.

Things are so different now. We have another baby (who will be 1 year tomorrow). My husband's depression is maintained. He made a huge career change, but loves what he does now. We have a house, I have a good, flexible job, beautiful kids. So what's my problem?

Well, I know what started me on this path. In the past two weeks, three separate people (a co-worker, my boss and my husband) all called me pessimistic. The final straw was when my husband said I was so pessimistic that he didn't like being around me. Now I don't know what to do. I never thought of myself as negative, but I guess I am. I don't know how to change it. I seem like a bad influence on my kids.

Now, I'm feeling exactly like I did when the baby died. I don't want to go back to the doctor. They won't take me seriously. They won't believe me. But what are my options? How can I get through this? I can't live like this for three to six months, or whatever the duration of a depressive episode is. I don't know what to do.

Anyway, as I said in the beginning, you don't have to respond, but if you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. This has been helpful just trying to write it out. Sorry it's so long.

Avatar for kimberlyndarrell
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 6:18am
HUGS Just wanted to let you know I read it & wish I had some advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 6:49am

Welcome to the board!! Welcome

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:44am
Go to a different dr. YOu have been depressed before and you know how you feel, our intuition is usually right. If you weren't happy with your last treatment find a new dr, but just be aware that sometimes in therapy we find out things we don't like and get scared so we back off. Either way there is help for you, you are not alone. (((hugs))

Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 10:56am


Welcome to the board.......

I hope that you continue to post here, it can be theraputic to write out all that is going on in your head and in your life, just getting it all out helps alot......

I can relate to how you feel when people say that you are negative, I too have been told that I am negative by my family, not by my friends because I tend to hide it all from them but my sister has told me many many times that I am too negative but I never see it or saw it and I know that it is still going on, the best way to handel that is to think about what you are going to say before you say it that way you can redirect your answer and if done enough it will start to change your outlook on things.

I am sorry to hear that your husband is telling you that he no longer enjoys being around you since he suffered from depression he should be more understanding or he is in denial and doesnt want to admit that there is something wrong wth you.

I really suggest that you go and see a pdoc and a tdoc that way you can get out all that is in you and making you feel this way dont just settle for the first doctor that you find be picky until you find the right oneI got lucky my first time around with both my tdoc and my pdoc, also look into different meds and never stop taking them with out discissing it with your doctor first the side effects of doing that could be very severe.

I wish you the best of luck hun in all of this and I hope that you get all the love and support that you need that way you can battle this and win.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 12:30pm

Hi, (((((Ashtie)))))!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 2:58pm
Thank you all for your supportive messages. I do feel better, just reading them -- and by getting some sleep. Thank you.

Interesting that you pointed out the anniversary of the miscarriage. Actually, the anniversary is in mid-December but that's about the time I started feeling really out of sorts. That could have something to do with it.

I don't know if the winter depression is me though. I live in the desert. In fact, today it's 75 degrees, sunny with a light breeze. Shouldn't complain, should I! :)

Anyway, you are all right. I should see a dr. I have the name of a therapist that my social worker friend recommended. I think I'll call her tomorrow.

Thank you again.

p.s. my baby is a daughter and tomorrow is her first birthday. Amazing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:28pm

HI again Ashtie!


SOrry for the brief message this morning but I was running very late hehe.. Of course I should have known that my fellow CLs and all the lovely ladies here would take up the banner and welcome you as warmly as they did.

They have some good ideas too hun.

*hugs