When someone lies
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| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 4:15pm |
I started my practicum/internship in January for my degree. The degree is in Social Work and it is an undergraduate degree. I hope to continue next year to the Masters degree. Anyway, I am doing my practicum at what is called an "independent living center". These centers work with individuals with disabilities. The focus is on physical disabilities, however on occasion, a mental disability may also be part of the client's history.
One of the programs, (out of nine programs) is the PAS program (Federal). This program helps the client become an employer and employ their own personal care attendant, thus PAS stands for personal care attendant service. I was not aware that this program even existed in the world, let alone at the agency that I was going to. As per the universities rules, once you go for an interview at an agency....if they accept you...you MUST go...no choice. Since this agency's website made only a mention of the PAS program in a list (with no description)with the other 8 programs, I never dreamed what was about to happen, would happen. So I interviewed with the agency. I am stuck.
It was/is my desire to work with individuals to develop independent living skills and they knew this in my interview. I am now ONLY being trained in the one programs, which I have absolutely no desire to work in. It is one step above a nursing home and I do not have the personality to work in a nursing home setting (nor with abused children). I thank heavens that some people do, however I am not one of them. Although I knew I would learn some of this program I did not know that my entire practicum would concentrate on this program.
I mentioned what was happening to my professor, who is suppose to be my advocate and he told me that he had also been given the impression that I would have access to the entire agency.
We had our first meeting today between the agency rep., the professor and myself. Prior to the meeting my agency rep informed me that I would under no circumstances have any connection with the other programs, just hers. In the meeting, she denied it and stated that I did not listen, basically, or misunderstood. Another thing; we have to see at least 10 other agencies in our area (outside of the one we are placed in) and see what services they provide. I was told prior to the meeting, that she would decide which agencies I would go to. In the meeting, it was re-phrased again. She lied. My professor knew about that one before he came to the meeting and assured me that I could choose my own agencies. In the meeting, he backed down, since she lied about the statement.
During the time that I am in the agency, and with her, she constantly belittles what I say, sarcastically comments about what I have been doing, etc. etc.
I was asked by my agency rep to give her and my professor about 25 min. alone before I came into the meeting. I have no idea what was said, yet I was the topic (or target) of the conversation.
I fear that if I am too confrontational with this person, I will jepordize my practicum and any referrals to graduate school.
I cannot start over because we have to complete 500 clock hours, and I already have over 150 put in. I am now on anti-depressants, have nightmares, my meals go straight through me, and anxiety attacks. I now know what it is like to feel abused, trapped, no control and helpless. I know that the depression is from my anger turned inwards. I have until the first week of May to endure this. I have worked for 5 years to get this far and now it is totally .... up!! I do not know how to deal with liars. I am constantly amazed when people lie. I just want to get through this and then leave. Than I can give my evaluation of the agency and my experience. The only voice I have in all of this seems to be in the required logs/journal entries that we provide to the professor. If we note that it is a confidential one, then he is required to oblige. If anyone has any techniques I can use, or re-framing, or anything that will help me get through these next 2 1/2 months, I could sure use them. I am just sick over this.
Help.

Hi there!
I wish I had something really helpful to say but Im not sure what you CAN do in this stituation other then endure it.. Keep telling yourself that it IS only
*hugs
(((((HUGS)))))
Man, I didn't help at all did I?
I'm glad I helped a little and of course I dont mind if you printed it out!!
*hugs
The reality of the world is that some people are not nice and you will encounter more than a few in your lifetime. Sometimes you get to choose to walk away, other times you cannot. How you handle the situations you cannot walk away from is learned. You are internalizing your anger (anxiety & depression) at both the agency lady and your advisor who did not stand up for you. Are you also angry at yourself?
Ask yourself this: What is the worst thing that could happend if you said to her "It seems we got off on the wrong foot. While you know this is not my chose course of study, I will do the very best I can while I'm here. I realy respect your opinion so please let me know what I can do to improve my performance." Ask for her help even with things you know how to do. Play up to this woman's ego. She is a bully and bullies are just people with self esteem problems. She puts you down to lift herself up. Teh best way to handle an enemy is to make them an alli, esp. those in positions of authority over you. Even the worst case scenario is that she will continue to make false accusations against you. Just keep copies of your confidential reports and provide them to teh appropriate people ath the appropriate time. 10 weeks is not forever but it can seem like when you dread going to work. Keep your goals in mind and find ways to release your anger.
I don't mean to over simplify this or downplay your depression at all. I do understand your feelings as I often do this myself. I hate conflicts too but you can't avoid them learning how to handle then becomes a requirement. This woman is as afraid of you as you are of her - she just shows her fear differently.
Please take care of yourself.
Toni
This just is not something I am any good at.
I do like the statement you used: "While you know this is not my chosen course of study, I will do the very best I can while I'm here." That I can do, because that is true to me. But I will not support her ego while she continues with abuse.
I really do appreciate your input and it has provided me with some thought provoking ideas. It has also helped remind me of my values and ethics. Thank you.
I want to say thanks to all again. With your support and suggestions, you all have made this situation more endurable. None of you judged and none of you just told me what you thought I wanted to hear. I need to address my own issues in this along with my frustrations with "professionals" (for lack of better or appropriate term). You all helped me do that.
Please bear in mind.....I may be back and need you again....lol. These next few months may prove to be long ones. Thanks.