sorry havent been around, thinking alot

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
sorry havent been around, thinking alot
2
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:07am


Hey ladies,

I know that I have not been around alot these past few weeks, things have been good I suppose just alot of thinking has been going on in my head......

I got into a fight with my ex yesterday about what I dont know we were talking about me buying a car in the next few months and then he told me he put a bid on a house which is great but he is the type of person to start something and never finish it and I told him that I was glad to see he was setting goals for himself and that I hope he follows thru and gets all that he is looking for, and he got upset told me to "you know what myself" and that made me mad so I told him that it would probably be better than when I was with him and then we went back and forth and we are both at fault so thats that I am sure that we wont talk again for along time.

I have been thinking alot maybe too much I go to therapy tonight and I dont feel like talking because when you talk you make them real and that makes it harder to face yourself each day when I ignore things it makes it better for me because I dont have to face myself I can lie to myself when I talk it makes it worse and I feel worse I know in reality that I do have a problem I know that I can not be this way forever but it just seems that when I get one thing under control another pops up and I get tired, I find out I am bipolar take meds they help find out I have slight ocd so I start to watch myself the meds help alot I find out that I can not have things go smooth in my life that I dont feel right when things are quiet so I make caos in my life and that is my fault but I can not live with the quiet.

So anyways I have been thinking I know I have some form of an eating disorder it isnt as bad as it was a year ago where I would go a week without touching food and I would have an anxiety attack if I was unable to work out but now I am okay if I miss a day or two I try to work out at the least 5 days a week I used to take laxatives and I dont do that anymore I used to vomit and I stopped that so I have made great strides but I still poke and prod at my body I still analyz it to no end I have not weighed myself because I know I will go riht back down to that place again I do take diet pills and water pills (only when I am bloated) and I try to eat once a day I know I have aproblem but I dont know if I want to fix it .......

Thanks for listening ]

I am not expecting a reply so dont worry if there is nothing to say just needed to vent a little.

]Erin

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:10pm
Hi Erin. Im glad to hear that you are doing a little better, but Im sorry to hear that you are going through those things right now. I think that even though talking can make things harder in the short run, in the long run it can help. Im glad that you are taking positive steps towards overcoming your eating disorder. Can you try to eat twice a day? Do you drink milk and orange juice? Those are important for your health. Please take care. You seem like a really cool person. BIG HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:22pm

((((((((((((ERIN))))))))))))






Blessings,






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