new here, looking to help bf

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
new here, looking to help bf
3
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 8:34pm
Hey,

My boyfriend suffers from depression and anxiety. He takes meds for the anxiety, but he used to take anitdepressants and also went to therapists. Nothing has helped his depression. He has talked to me about it and wants my help. He just wants to be happy because he knows he isn't and it affects him and he is afraid of it affecting me. I love him so much and I want to help him. If you have any advice on how I as his girlfriend can help then I am all ears.

Thx,

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:38pm
Scroll down and read the other post on "depressed Husband".

To put it bluntly: if you marry this guy, that is what your future will hold with him.

This is coming from people who have spent years and years dealing with their DH.

I can only give you advice on what others have told me and from what I have learned.

You have to realize that you have ABSOLUTELY no power to help him. And there is nothing you can do to help him - he must help himself. That is the only way (period). The only thing you CAN DO is how you handle each situation, with him, that arises.

You cannot feel sorry for him and think that you can become his savior - it will not happen. And do not start "doing" for him, then he will start depending on you to "DO EVERYTHING". You may think you are doing him good but it will only make matters WORST!

Maybe you should get the book "Depression Fallout" by: Anne Sheffield

It will help you to understand Depression and it might keep you from handling things the wrong way. In the book it talks about steps the Fallout person goes through and if you've haven't experienced these steps then you can acknowledge them and maybe avoid living through them.








iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:46pm
Hi Sarah,

I agree with Iwal2003 what she said is pretty solid advice I am the one who suffers from bipolar disorder and I put my family thru hell my sister would baby me alot and she fianlly stopped doing it realizing that it didnt help the situation at all and to be honest her doing that helped me get help and I thank her for that.

I am a fully functioning person I have never had an episode where I couldnt get ou tof bed or not work or any of those things it was hard to get up sometimes but I did it, I was always sad or had outbursts of anger or frustration I would swing from mood to mood and I still swing alot like everyday there is hardley a moment that i am not swinging around.

I would get as much knowledge as possible and do not baby him, he is the only person that can make himself happy all you can do is let him know that you are there when he needs support but do not cater to him good luck hun.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:28pm
Thanks for all of your advice. I know I cannot baby him. My parents suffered from depression. I sort of did and I am diagnosed OCD. I know it will be tough. He knows he has to help himself. I just want to support him through his tough times. We are both young. (He is 22. I am 21.) I just hate seeing him so sad.


Edited 2/19/2004 1:29:42 PM ET by college_sarah2003