Need to know what you think

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Need to know what you think
2
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:25am
Hi Everyone,

I have been reading your board for a while and have decided to post finally. This is a hard thing to explain/post. For the last long while I have been feeling very sad, unmotivated, useless. I have been suffering with anxiety and have been taking ativan for it. It just seems to be ever increasing and the med is not really helping me. I have also been suffering from massive headaches, and loss of appetite. I feel like I could just lay down and sleep the day away. I have to force myself to get at all sexual with my dh. I have no interest in anything at the moment and truly feel like I am sitting in a deep hole.

I have 3 children 2 girls 11 & 10 and a boy who turns 4 in March. The girls are very busy during the week so I don't see much of them. My boy is driving me nuts. He is not toilet trained yet and has not be able to attend any type of nursery school or any programs because of health issues. He does exhust me to death. I have had him sleeping in my bed since he was about 9 months and he will not get out now. He goes to bed at 7:30 and is up crying for me by 10:30 - 11:00 most nights. He has digestive problems and feeding him is difficult. It is a condition which he is going to have to grow out of. Beyond that he is a active boy who sees me as his sole source of fun so my whole day I am dealing with him. He is impossible most of the time ... will not go to the mall...will not go anywhere with out making it hell. He is a real challenge to me and I do love him but he takes so much out of me.

My DH is well less then understanding about life. He loves me I think. He is not very affectionate and doesn't seem to really get what I am going through. He is one to take shots when ever he gets the chance at me. He also has this great way of making me feel awful with out even getting what he is doing. He doesn't see what is happening to me at all. We have money issues ... and I am terrified to go to him with the facts. Seems much like his family he just doesn't get it. Last night I told him to take a fundraiser into our dance studio and that he would have to pay for a friend of mine as well as she didn't have a cheque to pay me. (she will pay me later) he says oh well I will cover it because you won't get the money from her. This is so not true and also this girls drives my dd to school both ways daily ... she will pay me back ... and even if she didn't she provides us with so much. Today I tell him that my period is killing me and I have been up since 5 am in pain ... he says to me "well my hips hurt at night what do you want me to do about it"

Enough about him bacause it could go on and on forever.

I feel so out of control and find myself doing anything just to get through my day. I live on tylenol, nytol and my ativan. I am smoking more the ever (which dh just slams with me whenever he gets the chance) and coffee to stay awake. What can I do ? I have spoken to my doctor and he ran a pile of tests and that was that.

My life is challanging right now with little support. I have no one to ever take my children and am trapped in this house with them all of the time. My dh seems to feel that he being around to raise the kids with me is something he is doing for me. I have never felt that he has wanted to be here or wanted to take part in my parenting. WHen I had my 3rd child (which he really wanted because of the boy thing) He looked at me and said a week later "well what am I going to do with my life now" Yes raising him has been very hard but I keep trying to remind him that this time will pass and we will have time to get our lives back together.

Now that I have gone on and on and most likely have made no since at all. If anyone here could offer any suggestions I would so appreciate it. I just feel so alone.

Julia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:19pm
Hi Julia,

I would suggest getting a different doctor and if he's just an MD I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist and maybe making time to see a therapist to talk about things. Maybe writing down any problems you've been having in a journal is good for venting and getting out some frustration. Do you have any relatives or friends that would be able to take care of your little boy for a couple of hours out of the day? I would also suggest not drinking so much caffeine because that just makes it worse. Just keep telling yourself to be strong and have patience. Depression does not last forever and is just a temporary situation. You are also never alone. I just found this board a few days ago and it's just great. Everyone is very supportive and they give good information. You might suggest getting a hobby to take your mind off of your problems. Maybe a good book. I hope this helps.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 12:25pm

(((((((((Julia))))))))), I want to welcome you to our board.

AcornLeaves