How do you handle you loved one's ....
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How do you handle you loved one's ....
| Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:16am |
depression when you are trying to battle depression of your own?
| Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:16am |
depression when you are trying to battle depression of your own?
I know I'm having a hard time seeing signs of depression in my kids and feeling powerless to help. My first ex also had depression and would pull away- and it eventually DID break up the marriage. It would have been a lot simpler and less painful all around if we'd split up before getting married and having 2 kids. Love is a wonderful thing, but it isn't always enough to sustain a relationship.
I really urge you to slow down and think about things, before rushing ahead into marriage. I see so many "red flags" in your post- so many signs that things aren't really healthy for you to get married right now. You should BOTH be healthy when you enter into a major commitment like that. If his depression is pulling you down, and he's unwilling to seek help, then that IS a real reason to be concerned.
It sounds like your "gut feeling" is telling you that something isn't quite right with the situation. Trust your gut. You might be able to work through your problems and have a long, happy life together, but you both have a lot of work to do before you're ready for that. Remember that you do NOT have the power to change him- only he can do that. You can love him and support him in his efforts to change, but he has to do the work on himself. You can work on yourself and decide whether or not you want to stay with him.
Research the resources in your area- there must be a way for both of you to get into counseling. I'd suggest that you each go to individual therapy, in addition to joint counseling. I know how hard it can be to find good mental health resources, but I don't see how you can expect to move forward right now without professional help.
Ruth, WAHM to
Ruth, Single Mom to
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Ruth,
I have had counseling and I am currently in group therapy.
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It sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on things. I wasn't suggesting that you break up right now- only that it might be a possibility if he doesnt' make any efforts to work on himself (which it sounds like he's already doing.) The fact that he's taken meds in the past and is willing to take them again is a good sign- some people are VERY resistent to being helped.
I think that, in general, men define themselves by their work more than women do.
Ruth, WAHM to
Ruth, Single Mom to
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I'm not sure I have much to add to Ruth's level-headed suggestions.
Thank you Ruth and Barb,
Jim called the free mental health place yesterday, like I asked him to do.
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