internal anger??????? please help me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
internal anger??????? please help me...
8
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:04pm
I have a question......

I went to therapy last night and we talked about me having so much anger and living in the past alot my tdoc pointed out to me that I cant seem to let go of the past that I hold onto it so tightly.

She told me that I am very angry that I lash out at people and I agree with her totally, she said that I need to look with in myself to find out where it is all coming from that I buried it so deep and I have sat here at work near tears writting in my journal why am I so angry why do I hold onto the past why cant I move onto the present and future, I told myself so many times that I have moved away from the past but I havent I told myself that I let my wall down but I have built it higher I am so afraid to be loved and to love I am afraid to show emotion to be happy I am afraid to live.

I do not understand why I can not just be normal I can not understand what or whom I am angry at am I mad at myself or something or someone else I know I hate myself everything about me and I know I should try to like being me but it is so hard I just can not do it

I know I need help but I am so afraid to bring up the demons.

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:36pm
You are not the only one. I'm afraid to unleash the demons. I have a lot of anger too sometimes and I know it. I just don't know how to deal with it. I know a lot comes from issues with my mother and it was never addressed. Can't give you much advice, just know that you are not alone.......

Hugs Ilka



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 2:00pm

Erin,


Just as happiness is a part of your life, so is sadness.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 2:27pm
erin.....i just wanted to send you hugs...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 3:03pm
I hear ya girlfriend!

I dwell on the past sooooo much! I want to be able to let go of all the hurt that my ex has caused me. I have a bunch of information to send on for my new p-doc, but I keep putting it off. And I think it is because I know it's gonna be tough. But I think it will be what is best for both of us.

Take care sweetie!

Thinking of ya!

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 7:12pm

Hun,


Im sort of having a hard time at the moment so Im not sure I can write alot but I did want to say this to you..


We all fool ourselves when we think we can "forget" the past. It is part of us and part of who we are... BUT what it doesnt have to be is Part of who we Become!


What we need to do is come to terms with our past and realize that it Cant be changed and that it needs to accepted As the Past.... Not kept in the here and now .. if that makes sense.


I hope that in time you and your Therapist together can help you .. not let the demon out,, but rather make Peace with it..


Sending lots of Hugs of support!

*hugs

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:27pm
Hmmm...

I can relate to this post. I know for a long time that I had a hard time letting the past go, however, with time and help, you're gonna get through it just like I did. I know that it's easier said than done, however, you can beat it. Once you figure out why you're still upset about the past, you can finally let go. Like with everything, time heals everything. Once you get past the anger, you feel a sudden sense of calmness. Believe me! The first step is realizing what triggers the anger/past. Then from there, you can learn to deal with it, and finally let go of the past. Just know that I'll be here, along with the other girls, to help you through it all. Take care, and let us know how you are feeling!

Trix

XOXOXO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 9:51am
sweetie, i'm sorry you are so frustrated. i think that it is normal to "hold on" to things from the past that hurt us, and to be angry about them. i know that i stuggle with that too. when somethng has hurt us in the past, we are trying to keep it from happening again and it is something that is usually not forgettable. whether your past demons are with yourself and your emotions, with some one else or their actions or whatever, i think that what hurt us in the past is hard to shake. don't be afraid of it though. the more you let out what you are afraid to, the more free you will feel. it's funny sometimes that the things that we are so afraid to get out seem so much easier to handle when we get them out. hope this helps. feel better! don't worry, it will be ok!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 10:25am

For years I lived with a lot of internalized messages from people -- my mother, my XH, the boss who put me on probation ....

AcornLeaves