catch 22, where to start? (trigs?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
catch 22, where to start? (trigs?)
1
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 6:16pm
I have visited some of the boards and have posted and lurked. I have liked to responses but found them lacking. I ralized that it was not the responses that were incomplete but that my questions were incomplete. With each board I tried one facet of my issues were touched, still came back to the same conclusion. I have not been honest enough with myself to ask the "right questions." My catch 22 is that I feel depressed because of my issues, and beause I feel depresed I am creating/having more issues.

I have not been able to work on my issues, I'm not even sure how to talk about them. I have hid behind gender anonimity hoping to find an answer. I am male but do not feel very male/masculine. I do like women and I am married but my marriage is just about over. Most of the time she can't stand being around me let alone in the same room. I live in fear that I'll say something wrong and piss her off again. Most of the time I don't even know what I said wrong. I don't sem to do anything right and taking the initiative is always the wrong course of action, now she has o fix my meddling screwup. I just can't seem to live up to her expectations in regards to intimacy, romance, family responsibility, that I don't make feel special or show her that I love her. I saved up some pocket change and got up the nerve to get a manicure and I liked it, now I'm embarrased and afraid she'll find out and explode, not male behavior. Whle she is open minded and not judgemental of other people she seems particularly rigid and closed minded to me. This makes some of the other issues harder to deal with and brings me further down. I have no energy/tired most of the time. In the business world where looks/appearance count I have no fashion sense and only feel comfortable buying jeans and t-shirts, hard to embarass anyone by not being fabric or color coordinated and compete for Mr. Black's worst dressed of the millennium.

I'm sorry if this is rambling too far off topic but I have reached a point where I don't feel like I can involve/inflict this on anyone around me. I really don't have a life outside of work and family and have not found counseling that I can afford.

lunch is over, I have to return to work.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Treephrog

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 11:50pm




(((((((((((((Treephrog))))))))))))))))))


I would have to say that most times, the best approach to issues is baby steps.