People Don't Really Hear What I Am Sayin
For some reason recently it seems like people are just not hearing what I am saying. I do not know why that is, am I not making myself clear or what? Case and point, this morning my mother-in-law was complaining about the lighting in her home. One of the comments she made was that because the house did not have adequate lighting it made the environment very depressing. “Bingo” do you think that might be a contributing factor to my depression. I really thought that maybe she understood what I been feeling ever since I moved in here. The next words out of her mouth threw me just a little. “You know when I am feeling down I just count all my blessings, you know all the good things that have happen in my life.” “I just do not understand why people with depression just don’t think about all the good in their lives.” Okay so I had to step back and remember that she has never lived with depression. Nevertheless, this comment from a woman that is helping her own daughter (my sister-in-law) who is struggling with depression. I tried to explain that sometimes thinking about all the good things in a depressed person’s life could also create guilt feelings. For me at least I battle with the guilt that comes from those thoughts. I mean I am one of the most luckiest people in the world so why am I depressed. I explained that depression can change the brain chemistry and that these thoughts can create more guilt and depression. With that said she replies with “if the depression changes the brain chemistry than a person can change it back.” Okay good point but its not that simple. I changed the subject quickly.
My second issue is trying to get my husband to listen to me about the lighting in our new home. Lighting to someone living with SADs is a big issue. I have been meeting with Electricians and all of them have said that we need more light in the house. My husband’s thoughts are all centered around the cost issue. The initial cost of wiring as well as the electric bill later. In my husband’s defense he did put in the dormer just for me, which will give me some light? Where we live the weather is mostly gray and not a lot of sun, so I will need to bring in more light artificially. We have discussed sun tubes and skylights but my husband does not what any penetration in the steel roof. My husband also dislikes recessed lighting, which would have helped with lighting. So we can not reach a compromise and I am unsure as what to do to get more light in the home. If you have any lighting suggestion PLEASE pass them along.
So, do you have any suggestion as to how I can make my wishes know? I just am not able to get people to really hear what I am saying. Is it me? Well, I must run any comments or suggestion are welcomed.
Warm Regards,
RainydaysArgon
Ohhhh, ((((((((Rainy)))))))), I hear your frustration.
OK possible compromise here in my thinking... if you husband doesnt want to do lots of recessed lighting and take it all into consideration now.. Can you at least get him to agree to LOTS of outlets and adequate circut breakers?
*hugs
Barb you are correct in the fact that I am not in counseling. My husband has read some on SAD and my mother-in-law has some knowledge too. I think that I was just upset that someone could really think that all a person with depression has to do is just count their blessings and they would not be depressed. So many people think that all a depressed person has to do is snap out of it. The ignorance just gets to me. With that said, the situation with the lights solved its self. I had been meeting with Electricians and each one of them said that we needed more light in the kitchen but my husband just keep saying that the electricians all just wanted to make more money. Well this weekend we meet with two electricians that were recommended by someone that my husband really trusted. Low and behold what did the two of them say when we got the kitchen but “this room needs more light!” After a brief discussion about the need for more light my husband realized that there was a need and let me direct most of the lighting in the rest of the house. The house will not be lit by recess lights as my husband refused to budge on that issue but I will have the option to put in more over head lighting and use some full spectrum bulbs in them. I do have my sun box and will continue to use it but it is always nice to know that the new house will have some lighting that is need for a SAD suffer.
My husband is doing better then before but thing do arrive that will send into sessions of gagging and throwing up. I surmise that this will continue on and off until we have the house finished and the final inspection is over. I do feel that at this moment that the fear of a break down has been diverted.
Caly, My friend,
I only today learned of your situation. The only words that I can find to say to you are that you do know what is best for you and your son. I know that those words do not comfort you at this moment nor do they help with the pain either but you and only you know what it is that you must do. I am sending positive thoughts you way and will keep you in my prayers. I trust that you will come to a conclusion to your situation soon.
Cyber hugs to all,
Warm Regards,
RainydaysArgon
Please forgive the length of time between post. We go out to the property every Friday and don’t return until late Sunday night. Today was the first time I was able to get to the computer in a while.
as for the lighting thing, i have never owned a place let alone built one, but i am a SAD person too and need my light so here are some things i am thinking may help- first of all, my parents and roomates used to bug me about lights but when it comes down to it, sticking a halogen in a room in addition to the normal lighting does not change the bill much- just turn it off when you leave the room. i have found that brighter colors help too and make whatever light there is feel even better- so think about that when you choose paint colors or place decorations. you never hear a dark yellow kitchen- it's always called a sunny yellow one right? i am convinced that tanning beds make me feel so much better- i know it is bad for your skin, but once a week i go and i feel like i just got a day's dose of summer sun and i feel so much happier. i think some tanning places are starting to get non-uv lights that make you feel better but don't give you a tan- the ones that you can buy for home, so you could do that too if you wanted. tell your husbqand that it's worth the little extra money a month in electric bills for you to feel better. even if you just put more light into the rooms you lan to spend the most time in. you could also put dimmer lights in- so that your husband can put them at one level when he is in the room and you can put them higher when you want them higher. just some thoughts! good luck!
Thank you for the good suggestions. I will keep the light paint suggestion in mind when I go to paint. I am glad to hear that the light bulbs that I will be choosing will not make that much difference in the bill. I have a light box and that seems to help me but I would like to have more full spectrum bulbs in some of the other fixtures in the house.
I think me husband is coming to terms with the lighting issue. He has even made some suggestions on his own. Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post.
Warm Regards,
RainydaysArgon
It has been a struggle with my husband with many of the decisions. The first thing that he sees is the dollar amount, which I can appreciate, but lately he is seeing the thing that I am looking at and why I made the decision that I made. For instance, we had to decide on the doorknobs that are to go on the main entry doors and of course I chose a more expensive knob. At first, he argued but he finally saw the points that I was looking at. The craftsmanship was much more superior to the knob that was only $5.00 cheaper, the mechanism worked smoother and the over all looks was nicer. I had to laugh when a salesman came around the corner and asked if we needed help and my husband had to point out all the qualities that I had just showed him then he asked the salesman for his opinion. Some of my husband’s objections are viable but I am learning to stand up for the things that I really want. There are times when the things that I want are not practical or just can not be done but in the long run my husband as been pretty accommodating.
The challenges that we have been facing in the process of building this home have been very difficult but somehow we seem to be getting though then okay. I can see how the stress and the learning to compromise by a married couple could drive them a part. To my understanding building a home or remodeling a home is the second most stressful thing that a person can go through with a death of a loved one being the hardest.
Well I must run I have only today and Thursday to figure out where all my outlets, light fixtures, Oh where all my electrical needs to go. I have been procrastinating because it is such a Herculean task but it must be done.
Warmest Regards,
RainydaysArgon