Worried about a friend!

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Worried about a friend!
1
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 9:24pm
I am hoping someone on this board can help me with an answer. I have a male friend who I believe is severely depressed and is self-medicating with alcohol. I have known him over 26 years and he has always had pretty heavy mood swings, but now at age 51 things seem pretty bad. I am not sure what comes first the alcohol or the depression, as they seem to go hand in hand, but here is the current situation. He is divorced (his wife left him for his best friend about 10 years ago), he is now living with a woman that openly admits that she thinks he is a "loser", along with his "loser son", "loser family", etc. etc. She says the only reason she stays is that she has put "too much time, sweat and money into the home that he owns". They are in seperate bedrooms. He has become fairly reclusive as all his long time friends have hardly seen him in years. He has pushed away everyone that cares about him and loves him, including his mother, father, & sister. He is suppose to have full custody of his 17 year old son, however the woman he lives with will make life living hell if he is there and is therefore staying with the mother who does not want him either. Yes, the poor kid! He does not seem to be able to cope with much these days. I have witnessed fights with his ex, who starts yelling about the fact that when things get tough he walks away. I have heard fights with the girlfriend who thinks he is a total loser. I have been his only support over the past year or so, lately he has been talking about killing himself. I was worried and talked to his sister, who told me that he use to "pull" that with his mother too. No one wants to deal with him anymore. And now, he is pushing me away too. He is now hiding behind the girlfriend that hates him, but does not want me in his life either, because I could hurt her lifestyle. He hasn't had problems with work. It seems to be the one thing he runs away and is able to hide in. When we talk about what he needs to do to help his situation, he agrees. But then doesn't do anything about it.

I hate to give up on him. He had such an amazing spirit, which is almost non-existant. Usually when he gets into this push me away period, I just let him alone for awhile and he usually turns back up when he is ready. But we always end up back at square one. But the clock is ticking on his relationship with his son.

Should I be more persistant rather than leaving him alone? I know that if he doesn't want help, he won't take it. But is it depression talking that he feels life is just hopeless. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. If there is someone out there who withdraws when depressed, does it help to have someone be persistant or do you find it is better to leave you alone until you come out of it and are ready for some help? It just seems that the waiting until he's ready thing has been done so many times and we always end up back at the beginning.

Thanks in advance for your time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 10:25pm

Welcome to the board.