What did I do!? Prob. triggers!
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| Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:26pm |
On top of that the demons are back. I feel so fat, and lazy and useless. I'm disgusted with the way I look. I can't stand the situation I'm in. I think I probably deserve all of this. Rolls of fat on me, I'm hideous. I can't stand the way I look, or feel. I don't know what I'm going to do to change this situation. Maybe this is why I'm back at home. To realize my misery and just end up at a dead end job working 80 hours a week for minimum wage. What am I going to do for health insurance!? I have no clue how to do anything but for what I'm trained for. If I go back to school, I'll never leave home, and I'll be stuck in misery forever. No one is going to want a loser. I don't even want me or the situation I'm in. I'm at a dead end.
I did schedule some meetings with people I know in the field in hopes that they can give me some direction in life. What do I know though. Nothing. It will end up well, you suck, and there's nothing we can do to help. What did I do to deserve all this!? I hate this life. I'm so stuck. If you have any ideas, please feel free to share. I could use anything right now. Even just you reading this now is helping.
I'm so sorry for being so selfish, I can't help it. I've been crying nonstop for the past two hours. I didn't even go where I needed to this afternoon. I'm just flat out tired of being dumped on all the time. It's not just me, it's 4 others too. The part that kills me too, is that the kids are the ones that suffer. All this political BS I could care less about. What's giong to happen to my kids!? 28 Kids once again screwed cause of politics. That's not including all the other girls' kids that I work with that are getting laid off too. I have no clue what to do, but keep on crying. I'm sorry.
Trix

I feel a sympathetic knot in the pit of my stomach for you!
Trix,
Last year when I was job hunting, I ran across several of sites that have educational jobs listed across the country.
Hun I dont see it as a Door closing I see a window opening!
*hugs