my body is defective-triggers maybe
i put the good luck shamrock on there because i feel like i need it right now! i am sick again, and if anyone has been keeping track that means i basically can't get better. when my stomach disorder isn't acting up, i have these viruses i keep getting hit with. if i was a horse, they would definitely shoot me! today i had a horrible sore throat and after begging i got in to see the doctor at 2:20- i get there and am so miserable- nauseous and dizzy and feeling bad- i am practically collapsing on the chair and they will not call my name. finally i say something and they tell me my appt is at 3:30. i am so upset by the time i get in to see the doctor- i am at my last straw. he sees the tears in my eyes and decides to push me thinking there is something he can pry into or something. i start crying when he asks me how i am emotionally and i tell him that i can't stand that i can't get well. here he is for the 3rd time this month telling me that he can't do anything for me and he sees that i can't get better- my appt to see my gastro (for my stomach) isn't for a month, and he is not helping to get it sooner. what does he think is wrong? i am broken or something and he isn't fixing me! plus he said he saw me sitting there for an hour, and he never tried to do anything. normal people don't have to be sick non stop. how can he not understand that that is something that would make me cry? and he was offering me nothing he could do - just telling me i have another virus. i feel like i am physically falling apart, and the doctors are ignoring it. i always have things that doctors can't fix, and no one seems to care.
i feel like i am just depressing people around me and i don't want to. i don't want to be like this either though! i know it is a drag to have someone always sick around you, but it's way worse for me to be feeling it! i just want to get better, and i don't know what is wrong with me or what to do anymore. i told the doctor- i have this ggreat life waiting for me and i feel like i can't live it. i do. in the past, i have lost friends and i'm sure boyfriends because of my poor health being a drag. i am scared that that will happen again. i want to be a good friend and most of all a good girlfriend. my poor boyfriend works like crazy and calls me at the end of the day only to hear how miserable i always am. i don't want to drag him down, i want to make him feel happy. i want to be happy and healthy!!!!!!!
Plus, I have a mild heart condition.
The thing I've finally come to, VG, is that I have a fragile body in this life. For some reason, whether genetic or for spiritual growth, this is my lot. In one way I think it's good because it forces me to take excellent care of myself. Others judge me at times, but I usually try to separate myself from them. If they expect me to be some way other than how I am, then it will only cause both of us frustration. It will also cause me hurt.
Some people have really strong bodies. That's just the way it is. Some people never get sick. I used to get sick a lot. I've had to try every alternative I could to stay healthy or get better. I've found a great herb that almost always cures my colds. I used to get a cold every two weeks. Since I've finally found this herb that works (after trying everything), I've only gotten 2 full blown colds. I still tend to get every flu I'm exposed to. I don't go near people who are sick, so I usually only get one flu every year or two.
I get nauseaus easily. I've spent a lot of time frustrated about this. I've felt like I'm fundamentally broken or flawed. But now I just watch what triggers me and try to avoid it. When it happens, I just go to bed and sleep it off.
I'm not saying that anything that I've found will work for you. But I'm saying that punishing yourself or feeling badly about it only makes you feel worse. Feeling bad physically is awful, but feeling guilty ashamed about feeling bad physically makes your life hell. For me the lesson in being physically fragile is to have compassion for myself. I have to go through life with these challenges, so I'd better be kind to myself to make it as bearable as possible.
I'm saying prayers for you, sweetie. Just know that you aren't alone in having these kinds of challenges. I'd suggest changing doctors, since this guy you go to isn't compassionate or at all helpful. Maybe there are things you can do to shore up your immune system. The herb I take is called "Maitake Mushroom." It is sold at any health food store in tablet form. There is one brand that I've found to be the most powerful. It's called "Planetary Formulas." It gets rid of every cold I have that is a pure cold (no sore throat, or other flu-like complications). Oscillicoconum is a homeopathic remedy that you can get at health food stores and even lots of drug stores like Rite Aid. It really helps people get over flu symptoms. It works best if you start to take it at the first sign of sickness.
I don't know how these remedies will gibe with your stomach problems. They are just what works for me.
Remember that many doctors are only prepared to deal with the "usual" illnesses. If you have something that they don't recognize, they often don't believe in it. Many label patients are attention-seeking or high maintenance. Unfortunately, they get hardened to others' pain.
MariaC
This is the second time lately I wrote a nice long post I felt good about and later discovered it was nowhere to be found.
Oh Hun,,
I wish there was something that I coudl do to make you feel better...
I can send you great big cyber hugs if you will take them..
I think that you should go and see another doctor this guy doesnt seem to care, there has to be something more out there for you and something that someone can do to help you get better..
I cant begin to imagine what you are going thru I guess I have been lucky, only one problem with me and that was having galbladder removed and before that child birth other wise I have been lucky with illness..
I like what MariaC said about alternative medicine it may be just what you need cant hurt to look into it...
I hope that you start to feel better soon and you will live the life that is waiting for you I promise.
Erin
It was so great to connect with you yesterday! I was thinking about your situation. I know that with your rare condition, you can't eat or swallow much at all. I'm worried that the Maitake mushroom herb I recommended will probably really hurt your stomach.
Your immune system is probably so weak because you can't eat much of anything that has nutritional value.
Have you ever had vitamin B shots? They are very common. I got one before from a doctor. I used to have a roommate who was in law school and working full time. She got vitamin B shots from her doctor every month. There may be other kinds of vitamins that you can have administered intravenously.
I hope this isn't just another suggestion that you can't use. I wish that that there was something you could do or some way I could help you. It sounds like your doctor is not compassionate or driven to help you. I hope you can find someone else. Some doctors are more driven than others to research other options or think creatively. My doctor has sent me to specialists and alternative specialists for my back problem. But I've had other doctors who wrote me off as an irritant when I didn't fit into their prescribed box of illness.
I hope that you are feeling better today. Take good care of yourself. I'm sending prayers your way. I wish I could do more.
All My Best,
MariaC
Another thought -- Have you ever had a workup for food allergies?
I can empathize.It is terrible to feel so ill and feel that no one is taking you seriously.I know the feeling.I got Chronic Fatigue syn. in the "80s when it was called the "yuppie flu".I went through the gamut of docs who patted me on the head saying I was just depressed or had a simple virus that would go away soon."Cheer up" they'd say and I felt miserable and angry.
Unfortunately I figured out w/ hindsight that a lot of docs(esp males) do not take women seriously,especially if they have a "psych history".You know you are ill and genuinely so,so as hard as it is you have to stand up for yourself and find a doctor who takes you seriously(they exist).This may sound cruel but try to cut the "waterworks" and state your problem and that you intend to get help w/ it.Be firm and don't put up w/ any guff from the office staff.If you have to switch doctors do so until one treats you appropriately and finds out what is wrong.If you get too sick or dehydrated go to the ER.You will find a caring doctor and feel better.Please be persistent and don't give up hope.I really know how hard that is but this will pass and soon you'll be looking back on it,feeling better physically and mentally,
All my best,
Marsha
Welcome, Marsha 36!