A BIG BLACK CLOUD HAS SWALLOWED ME UP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
A BIG BLACK CLOUD HAS SWALLOWED ME UP!
1
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 5:42pm
A big black cloud has swallowed me up and my depression has overtaken me. I saw Kara on Friday and told her I am having thoughts of killing myself. I went out to my parent's Saturday and spent the night over there and I don't even know why I did that because all I did was spend time in my old room. I don't laugh at anything that I usually can laugh at, I don't want to be around anybody, I don't want to go out of my house. I called Kara last night and left her a voice mail. She never got my message last week that I left her. She called this morning and said that staying in my darkened bedroom wasn't an option and that I was to do something today like go to the library and call her tomorrow morning and report what I did. Everything I look at I think how can I kill myself! It is really sad really. I am stuck in the cloud! It has it's grip on me and is not letting me go until I am dead it seems. Love and Hugs Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:44pm
I don't know who Kara is, but she's right. I so know how you feel. Everything you look at is a potential weapon, but they aren't it's all just stuff, the depression is the weapon. You have to try, if you can't leave the house, leave your room, have a bath or a hot shower. Walk to the end of your street and back to the house. Try journaling. Writing takes the least amount of energy and is the easiest way to get all of the garbage out. I call it vomiting up my hate. I do it whenever the jaws of the black dog are about to snap down on my throat which it sounds like is about to happen to you. I don't know anything about you and you don't know anything about me. But I've been where you are and I've gotten through it (more than once) and so can you. You will laugh and and have fun again. Just hold on to that thought and don't let yourself be alone. I'm posting this two days after your post, please post again so I know you're o.k. Our lives are not always inside the cloud or at the mercy of the black dog. I need to know you're o.k.