Going through a real lonely period....
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| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 3:20pm |
I hope you are all doing alright, especially my dear friends from last summer. Things were looking up for me, but now I am feeling down again.
It's been 6 months since my move back home to Quebec and I feel like I am stuck in a rut. My job is going well, but it can be really demanding and sometimes I get really anxiois about all the work and problems that the job entails. At least I really like my co-workers. They really are supportive and nice.
However, I still miss the living in the States and all the friends I had over there. Not that I had that many, but at least I had more than one or two. Here I basically hang around with only one friend who I can depend on to go out and do things. She has a boyfriend and at first I think they really liked being with me,but now I feel my friend might be tired of seeing me once a week. She has a very independent side to her. I feel like I may have worn out my welcome.
The thing is that I know I have to make new friends, but it has been a real hard road. I joined a support group for separated women, but all I have found are ladies that do not seem to want to do things and rather stay at home. Then I joined a volunteer group for cats and although I enjoy volunteering and helping out I have not made any friends there.
Then last Saturday, a guy started flirting with me as we were waiting at the bus stop. He came on super strong and he even called me once. Then I never heard from him again. After 10 years of having been married, it is really hard being alone again and I was hoping this guy would turn out to be someone I could care for.
So here I am alone in the big city of Montreal and I feel so sad.
Thanks for listening.
Hugs,
Ginny

(((((Ginny))))), I can so relate!
GINNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My friend!!
I have missed you and its soooooooo good to hear from you!
First off I had no idea you were in Montreal! I am only about 2 hours or so from there!! Now then if you would
*hugs
I was so excited to see your name. It's been FOREVER since I saw you here. I know how hard things were for you looking for a job when you were in the States. What a Catch 22 you have going on with liking the States, but not being able to work here, and being able to work in Canada, but not having friends.
I know that road of finding friends well. We moved every two years for awhile. We've been in San Diego for 3 and a half years. I have a couple of friends that I really like now, but they are always busy with work or their boyfriends. Women don't tend to make time for each other. I like to spend time with my dh, but I really want some good girlfriends, too. I had a "best" friend for a few months, but it got to the point where our conversations revolved around her daily dramatic fights with her boyfriend . I did a lot to help her business, but she barely acknowledged my efforts, Finally. she laid into me one day and I was done. Didn't want a best friend THAT badly.
I think it takes time as well as putting the effort out to make friends. It's great that you've reached out with the divorced women's group and the helping cats thing. Even though they haven't worked out, that's just the right kinds of stuff to do. I made some friends a few years ago when I took a dance class. I've made a couple in my grad school classes. I could have made more, but I get pretty picky about who I spend time with. My therapist said that she found her best friend by joining hikes with the Sierra Club. I don't know if they have something like that in Canada. It's outdoors, which is nice. Well, it will be nice in a few months up there.
Have you considered online dating? I heard about this woman on Oprah who wrote a book about her systematic approach to online dating. She decided to date 100 men to find a husband. The guy she married was number 87. She felt like she needed to get to know a lot of men to find the one that was right for her. She always had the first date be for coffee. She didn't kiss any of them until she decided there was someone she wanted to be serious about. That way she didn't get emotionally involved with someone who was wrong for her. I thought that was so smart! I should have done that when I was dating. Maybe I could have sifted out some of those toads before I was too far gone.
There are lots of online dating services. Since you are busy with work, it might be a good way for you to meet people you have things in common with. I think that if I were single again, I'd do something like that because I'd want to meet a lot of people so I could sift through to find the right guy. It's too hard to hope that you'll run into someone, that he'll hit on you, and that he'll be the right one. What are the chances? If you take action and take control, you can meet lots of men, upping your chances of meeting someone you are compatible with.
I'm so glad that you are working, and that you enjoy your work and your coworkers. I'm sorry that it's stressful. Is it the kind of work that gets easier as you get used to it? I've always enjoyed jobs much more after I've been there awhile.
We're always here as your friends.
Take Care,
MariaC
For the record, I think it is easier to be lonely in a big city. I know that you have a lot to contend with right now, but we are here for you!!
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)