Not sure if Idepressed but really angry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Not sure if Idepressed but really angry!
3
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 7:39pm
Hello all,

I am new to the board and I am not sure if anyone can help or not.

I had a beautiful baby boy a little more then 5 months ago, but the way that he was born still infuriates me!!!

I had a rough pregnany and started telling my doctor VERY early that I did not want to have a c-section. At about 6 months I was huge. I looked like I was carring twins and started to mention this to my doctor on a regular basis. I asked him several times if we could do a quick ultrasound to see how big my son was and he said no, that I was fine and he wasn't that big. About eight months, my son decided to sit on my syatic(?) nerve and I could bearly walk. I had gained 35 pounds but looked like I had gained a hundred. I asked him again (begged was more like it ) to do another ultrasound because I had a bad feeling that something was wrong and that he was going to be huge. Again he refused and said I was fine. I then told him that I would pay for the ultrasound myself and he still would not do it.

I went into labor and everything seemed to be ok and the nurses told me to walk around and when I got back to my room, they could not find my son's heart beat. I had to have an emergency c-section because the cord was wrapped around my sons neck three times and was detaching from his belly button. The neo-natoligist said that he would not have made it in another five minutes.

I am SOOO upset about this birth and I can't seem to get this out of my head. This is all I think about and I am so upset, and hurt and ANGRY!!!!!!

If my doctor would have done what I asked, this all could have been avoided.

By the way, Even if there hadn't been unbelievable circumstances, my son was 9lbs 11oz and would have hd to be born by c-section anyway.

I thank God (and my grandma-I think she is his guardian angel) everyday that my son is with me and I am so grateful for him, but I just can't get over this.

I am sorry to have gone on an on about this.

Any advice would be greatly appricated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 9:38am


I think that you have made the first step to getting over all of this anger by writting it out and telling us your story, sometimes it helps to just vent it all out I know that when I post here and I write about something that is really bothering me I start to feel better once I get it out.

The good side to this is that your son is okay that he is healthy that he is beautiful, my son was born almost 6 years ago he was a natural birth but the cord was also wrapped around his neck and his heart rate dropped but thankfully he was okay I stopped breathing once they told me this and needed oxegyn but we are both fine now and he is beautiful bright sweet loving active little boy and I thank god for him each and every day of my life.

I know that it is hard to get over anger I speak from experiance I am filled with it most if not all of the time but I wish for you that in time you will be okay and the anger will be released.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:49am


If you've shared this story before, I bet a lot of people have said something like, "What are you upset about? You have a beautiful, healthy baby, and when it comes down to it, that is all that matters."

But that is not all that matters. It is very normal to be angry and depressed about a negative birth experience. You have every right to these feelings.

Here is a link to a Negative Birth Experience messageboard

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppnegbirth

And one to a negative cesarean experience messageboard

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppnegcsec

Hugs,

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:24pm
I had an unpleasant birth experience with my first child. She's perfect and 3yrs old now - thank God. I found that I was unable to release my anger until several months after I quit nursing her. During my second pregnancy, all the anger about the first experience came right back - but it ensured I had a more pleasant delivery the second time! I again had issues with my emotions until three months after we stopped nursing. I nursed him for a year, so other causes were unlikely. this isn't to bash nursing, as I'd do it again in a nanosecond, but considering your child is only 5 months old, I can honestly say that I would still be very angry if I were you, but I know now that it would wear off, especially after I talked about it with my girlfriends. Doctors are human too, even the stupid ones. they make mistakes just like everybody else. It's disappointing to know that their mistake could jeopardize a baby's life. I think what you did was exactly right - you knew something was wrong, and you kept bringing it up. You did everything your instincts told you to do. I think this is proof that you're a great mom - you're very in touch with your child. if you always follow your instincts that way, your darling is all but assured of a healthy life!