got a job but
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got a job but
| Wed, 03-03-2004 - 5:41pm |
well, the good news is that i got a job (yay!). the bad news is that i am miserable today. i don't think that there is anything that is bringing me down that should actually be hurting me, so i am trying to look at it in a more positive light. first of all, i am basically giving up modeling for good. i know it is for the best, but i wish i hadn't made the investment in the pictures recently and had my hopes up- it is a tough industry and right now i don't have the guts/have too much pride to do what it "takes"- i don't want to kiss up to the right people anymore, i don't want every inch of me scrutinized with a microscope. i had a short photo shoot today and i was looking at the pictures and i hated seeing myself- i have aged so much just this year, my skin is terrible, i need a haircut but i am broke, and i really need a nose job. i hate that world. so i'm done, but now it's back to reality. the job i got is personal training. i passed up jobs like this before because i didn't want to do it, but now it looks like what i need to do to get my foot in the door to getting a better job. and with my qualifications, i can do well in the fitness industry. i just want to get amazing paychecks on a regular basis for doing something i enjoy. i guess that is pretty hard nowadays. at first, i may even make a little less than i could make on unemployment, but if i work hard, hopefully i can get more money. and i can get free health insurance back if i am working hard too. i just wish i was guaranteed a paycheck for once, but i guess some money and a place to go instead of sitting around my apartment depressed is probably good. right?
also, my boyfriend called this morning to say that he had made reservations for us for a trip we are taking. i am so excited to go with him, but never would have been doing it on my own- we are seeing a friend of his and going to vegas- very fun, but not something to spend my savings on. lately, he has been letting me pay for more and i don't think he has any clue that i don't have the money. i feel terrible not paying or asking him i fi can just pay for my half- like last night we ordered food and it was to my place and he wasn't there yet when the food came so i paid. he would do it for me (and does all the time) but right now i wouldn't even do it for myself. i love him and i love spending time with him, but he has a lot more money than me and i have insisted on paying some stuff for so long i am sure he thinks that he is being nice to me by letting me pay. but now i just feel like a broke loser. instead of being happy about the vacation (which i am for the time with him and the fun, etc) i was sad because all i could think of was that i don't have that kind of money. i don't want to act like a golddigger or like he should pay because he is the guy, but he likes to do things that are too expensive for me. i need to win the lottery. yeah, that would solve my money problems i think! :)
also, my boyfriend called this morning to say that he had made reservations for us for a trip we are taking. i am so excited to go with him, but never would have been doing it on my own- we are seeing a friend of his and going to vegas- very fun, but not something to spend my savings on. lately, he has been letting me pay for more and i don't think he has any clue that i don't have the money. i feel terrible not paying or asking him i fi can just pay for my half- like last night we ordered food and it was to my place and he wasn't there yet when the food came so i paid. he would do it for me (and does all the time) but right now i wouldn't even do it for myself. i love him and i love spending time with him, but he has a lot more money than me and i have insisted on paying some stuff for so long i am sure he thinks that he is being nice to me by letting me pay. but now i just feel like a broke loser. instead of being happy about the vacation (which i am for the time with him and the fun, etc) i was sad because all i could think of was that i don't have that kind of money. i don't want to act like a golddigger or like he should pay because he is the guy, but he likes to do things that are too expensive for me. i need to win the lottery. yeah, that would solve my money problems i think! :)

VG,
First off congrats on the new job, you may not be making a million dollars a day but at least it is a job and steady income for now and you are most likley right when you said that once you get your foot in the door they will most likley give you a raise, and I hope that they do offer health insurance, I am sure that once you get started on the job you will realize how much you enjoy it and things will just fall into place for you.
Now about the vegas trip dont sweat the small stuff enjoy the trip have fun enjoy the time with your boyfriend if you start to worry now about money for then you are garunteed a bad time, so try to not think about it and just focus on having fun.
The money just be honest with your boyfriend tell him that you dont have money right now that you do not expect him to pay for everything but just let him in on it I am sure that his reaction will be alot different then what you expect and I am sure that he will not see you as a gold digger.
The nose job please hun I know that you are beautiful in and out dont change what you were given it is what makes you who you are, I have a whole new respect for models becuase of you I always thought that it was so easy for them that they woke up beautiful that the life was perfect for them and because of you I know that no one has a perfect life I know that I do not have people picking every inch of me apart I dont need them I have myself to do that I think that you need to do the things that make you happy and if not doing the model thing is what makes you happy then good for you, I am starting to see how life is too short to not be happy, but that is also making me sad too because there is so much that I want and I know i cant have it all.
but anyways you are so awesome and you deserve all good things and I hope that this new job is a sign of good things to come for you.
Take care
Erin
Hi, Hon!