What do I say to my brother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
What do I say to my brother?
3
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:09pm
My brother is terminally ill. He's very angry and depressed right now, as is natural. He has just entered a hospice to evaluate his meds and if necessary, stay to the end. He has Huntington's Disease, which took our mother and our oldest brother, so this is not an unknown quantity for him.

I am in Texas, he's in Oklahoma where the rest of my family lives. While he has their support, I need to reach out to him too. He can't speak well any more, so I think that phone calls would aggravate him. I intend to write him letters frequently, so at least he can read them or have them read to him.

Now, here's the question - besides chattering about my life and family and the weather, what do I say to encourage him and support him? When my sister died of cancer, she went through the same phase, and nothing I said seemed to be any help to her at all. Nothing comforted my mother either. My oldest brother wasn't depressed for very long, or his meds suppressed it, I don't know. I guess in short, I'm saying that nothing I've ever tried seemed to be of value to my loved one, and I'd like to do it right this time. any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:15pm


I am sure that what you said was valued by your family, and I am sure that they appreciated all that you said and did just sometimes you are so angry at the situation that you dont let that person know it.

By you being there for your brother speaks a million words him knowing that you are there for him probably means alsot to him but he just cant express it, have you thought about going to where he is to be with him?

I can only imagine what you feel right now and what he feels right now, sometimes during our darkest times just the thought of knowing that we are loved helps more than anyone could possible know.

I am going to keep you and your brother in my thoughts, and I hope that I helped if just a small amount.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:29pm
thanks for your thoughts.

I have considered going to him, unfortunately I will not be able to until Easter. In the meantime, I feel I must do something, so I am left with letters.

I do hope that I was able to help my family, though I can't know for sure. it's so easy to become angry or annoyed when you're depressed - I don't want to cause that!

I guess I'll get writing, and hope that God puts words on my page!

Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:40pm

(((((((((((Boringnhouston))))))))))))), welcome to our board.

AcornLeaves