bad day

Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
bad day
2
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 7:24pm
i haven't been here in a really long time. sorry. i thought i was cured i guess. i have been on some new meds and they have been working great. until recently that is. i have manic depressive disorder type one. over the last couple of weeks i have been getting increaseingly more manic. i have been swinging back and forth and teetering on the edge of some kind of episode.a couple of days ago i did something dumb. then i forgot to take my meds the other night. i was a mess.all morning the customers at my work were looking at me like i was nuts. i kept twitching and shakeing and itching. i rub my palms together alot. my hands itch when i am issuey. dont know why.i had been doing so well that i acctually went to night school. passed my exam, quit my job, got a new better one, and then i start loseing it. typical. my husband is going away on business this week. i was going to have a girl friend of mine stay with me to help with the kids, keep me from being lonely, and generally hang out with. for one thing i hate being alone. for another, when i get like this i need to act a little young. i am aware that i am a 26 year old mother, but sometimes i just need to ... i don't know have a little fun. we don't do anything major. hasve a couple glasses of wine, giggle. it's sort of like a good old fasioned slumber party. tonight one of my haircut customers called. a 17 year old boy. he needs a haircut, but didn't want to come while my hubby was away. i told him when my husband would be leaveing and he couldn't come before then. i told him not to worry about it. it is just a haircut no big deal. my friend would be here and the kids it isn't like we would be alone. when i got off the phone my hubby asked what it was all about, and i told him. he said yes it is a big deal. i asked him if he really trusted me that little. he said it wasn't that he dosen't trust me it is just that everytime he goes away i act difforent. haveing friends over and stuff. he says when i'm away he dosen't get lonely. why should i? sometimes i love him so much it physically hurts. other times i think he dosen't know me at all. some times i don't even know myself. anyway he is mad at me. and i even called and told my friend not to come.i asked him if that made him feel better and he said no. he dosent understand why i didn't think there was something wrong with it in the first place.so now he is mad at me, he is leaveing sunday morning, i don't know who the hell i am or what is wrong with me. thank you for listening to my incessant ramblings. sorry but i needed to vent.

becky

 


Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 7:39pm




((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Becky))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Welcome back.

Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 7:57pm
thank you for the advice. and most of all for takeing the time to listen. thanks

 


Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us