Explain the unexplainable..please

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Explain the unexplainable..please
10
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 11:15am
Hey all, the ever introspective Lisa wants/ needs your help.

I have been reading the wonderful book that Caly suggested, a cognitive therapy book.

It has helped me, already, and I am few pages in. BUT......

BUT, it is about the moods and thoughts and feelings that have an explaination.

Stuff that has triggers, stuff that has meaning.

WHAT ABOUT THE SADNESS THAT HAS NO TRIGGERS???

Is that why it is soooo bad that I have not found a med?

Is that what meds do?

Right now, I have a new friend. His fiance broke off their engagement on Valentine's day..nice girl.

He and I have been spending quite a bit of time together. I am a good set of shoulders to cry on. He and I won't ever be a thing, he doesn't want kids. He knows it, and I know it, no big deal. He is not the type of guy who normally interests me anyway.

So, I told him about my depression. He seems fine with it. But right now, on my current unknown reason of sadness he does not understand.

Heck, I don't get it. I have nothing to write down in my cognitive therapy book. I have no idea why I am sad.

The only answer....I am a depressed person.

I am actually pretty sure I am not alone in this. Not here....lol.

Please share with me about this.

Please tell me something you may have done that helped.

Please tell me something that helped you escape from it, even briefly.

Thanks in advance for any help....even if it is a two sentence post to tell me I am not alone. I need it right now, ladies...I am crying ....not doing well....

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 12:08pm

(((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))))


Sweetie, I wish I could be there to help you thru this and hold you right now.


I hate to say it but this is where the hard part of Cognitive Therapy comes in.. Sometimes its Hard to find the words or the triggers because they are buried so deep or are often a chain reaction type of thing.


For instance for a long time I didnt know why I would get uncontrolably sad when I would see 2 little girls playing together. I mean thats not something bad right? It would actually make me smile at first.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 12:23pm

(((((((((((Lisa))))))))))), I wish I had a magic wand to wave for you.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 1:39pm
(((Lisa)))You are NOT alone. My depression was triggered by the sudden and unexpected death of my father (almost 10 years ago now). It happened on the same weekend that my daughter's boyfriend decided to cause some serious problems. (I would explain, but no one has time to read such a long story). I spent a year wondering why I still felt awful and cried all the time. I finally became suicidal and my husband took me to the hospital. When I was diagnosed with depression it was almost a relief. Finally, I knew that I wasn't crazy and I was going to get medicine and feel better. 9 years later, I have had more suicide attempts, many, many different meds and even ECT. I have had a few times when it lifts slightly and I am able to keep up with my life (I am good at faking)---but I constantly think about my death and cry at stupid little things.

Ok---you asked what we have done that has helped.

I keep busy and I always have something going on where people are depending on me. Recently it has been solo and ensemble contest, next will be the 8th grade spring musical,there is always something. It is difficult to keep busy and also keep from exhausting yourself-----but I have found that I can (usually) keep going when I have upcoming events.



Don't know if this helps---or if it's even what you really wanted to know----but know that you are not alone and that we are all here for you!

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 3:01pm




((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((lisa)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


There are many times when the actual feelings are a combination of feelings, but what shows up maybe overwhelming sadness or even anger.

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 9:41am
Wow, do I feel lame. I do appreciate everyone's posts. Really I do, but I hate to sound like I did not have problems growing up. But I didn't. My parents flaw could be being too supportive. I suppose too much love could be a problem. They were supportive without making me or my sister reliant upon them. So I am hard pressed to believe that this is my deep dark issue.

I was emotionally abused by an ex....but I have resolved, forgiven and moved on. Took a long time, and I feel sorry for the guy, he missed out on the best thing that ever happened to him...ME!!

I am sure that not having anyone right now is problematic. Especially with that loud clock ticking in my head..at 34, I expected to have the 2.3 kids and the dog. But I am actually ok with being alone right now.

Worse yet, as a general rule I like myself, find myself attractive. I overcame all the self esteem problems after the abusive cranky ex. So what is it???

Maybe I am just too messed up to figure out. Maybe I am imagining all the saddness I feel.

I wish I could pin point a problem in my up bringing. I wish I could figure out anything. Right now I feel a darkness approaching and it scares the heck out of me.

Anyone, anyone, Bueller???

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)----

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:43pm
you are not alone at all. i was diagnosed with dysthymia, a form of chronic mild depression. see, chronic... there doesn't have to be a trigger. it is all in how we deal with it though, the therapy chick recommended cognitive therapy book by david burns. i finally picked it up and am trying to read it. sometimes it is hard doing the 'head work' though, or at least it is for me. may we all feel better soon. best wishes. ~stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 3:18pm

Lisa, it doesn't have to be specific events you lived through or trauma or abuse you experienced.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:41am


Lisa,

I'm just returning to these boards after three years, so I'm not familiar with anyone's stories.

My question to you is how long have you been using the meds. It took me two years to get the right medication combo to manage the chemical aspect of my depression. I don't say this to scare you, but actually to give you some hope to stick in there.

The meds balance your brains production of seritonin, the chemical which regulates your mood. Therapy and meds together can do wonderful things, but patience is required. It takes time - it's a process. Not everyone responds to the same things. So hang in there.

I understand what you mean about feeling depressed for no reason. I've managed my depression for over five years and I still have days where saddness or empty moods will occur for no apparent reason. I acknowledge it, but don't beat myself up about it. I just take it as a sign to treat myself well.

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 6:27pm
Thank you for your response. I have been in a few too many studies...lol. I was under the care of one of the best p docs in the country. So under his care I took in a correct and thorough manner.....8 meds. Then I took an MAOI patch with another doc.

So I did indeed take all the meds for long enough. I had horrible side effects. Muscle spasms, etc. I was on the max dose of all the meds.

I appreciate you posting. I have tried several meds in all the families of meds.

So though I know that there is a chemistry issue happening. I like to say "you can't tell a diabetic to snap out of it." I have no solution to my chemical issue.

It seems it has not been made yet...my perfect med or combination of meds (tried those too).

Thanks for your time....WELCOME back to the board!!!

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Avatar for luv5monkeys
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 6:53pm
I know what how you feel - to be sad for no reason! ...I spent the first 33 years of my life like that.

I am finding that diet, yoga, vitamins and a naturopathic doctor may do wonders for balancing those chemicals that the meds are trying to do. Plus you will have a youthful glow about you, too!

Good Luck,

Linda