No Way To Win
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No Way To Win
| Sun, 03-07-2004 - 11:17am |
I know, after yesterday's good showing at contest I should be on a natural high. I can remember when I use to just give lessons and had 20 students. Contest was such a big deal. I usually had about 35 events and the girls always did so well. I would be UP for days. I read all of your posts and thank you for being so happy for me. So, I should be happy too---right?
Everything is just getting worse tho. My therapist is going out of town for two weeks and had to cancel my next appointment. So it will be a month before I see him again. He has me on a list to come in and see him if he has a cancellation----but that never happens. Even if it does----chances are I wouldn't be able to go due to my work schedule. I was suppose to see my psy-doc on Monday--I was actually suppose to see him two weeks ago---but managed to stretch it to 4 weeks. Anyway-----I cancelled the appointment because I'm too depressed at the moment to see him. Yes----I know that makes no sense. I made up a lot of excuses about extra rehearsals and school stuff and now I'm not going again til the 24th of this month.
My marriage is getting worse and worse, but he has all the money-----so I'm trapped.
Ok---enough complaining. I need to get to mass and try to share some of this with God.
Debbie
Everything is just getting worse tho. My therapist is going out of town for two weeks and had to cancel my next appointment. So it will be a month before I see him again. He has me on a list to come in and see him if he has a cancellation----but that never happens. Even if it does----chances are I wouldn't be able to go due to my work schedule. I was suppose to see my psy-doc on Monday--I was actually suppose to see him two weeks ago---but managed to stretch it to 4 weeks. Anyway-----I cancelled the appointment because I'm too depressed at the moment to see him. Yes----I know that makes no sense. I made up a lot of excuses about extra rehearsals and school stuff and now I'm not going again til the 24th of this month.
My marriage is getting worse and worse, but he has all the money-----so I'm trapped.
Ok---enough complaining. I need to get to mass and try to share some of this with God.
Debbie

Hi hun!
It sounds like you are doing what I do lots of times and that is getting worried about things that havent happened. I know its scary that you cant see your Therapist for a month now, but it doesnt mean you cant make it through.
*hugs
My husband and I had such a good strong marriage for so many years. It wasn't until I got 'sick' and then no matter how many different meds I tried----I still felt terrible and my husband just can't understand it. He is now a class A jerk!
This morning at mass I started crying because I know I have no right to be there. I am going to try to kill myself again. It's only a matter of time. What a terrible way to live.
OK----enough wallowing in self pity. I can't die with a messy house! Time to go scrub some bathrooms!
Debbie