With the good...comes the bad...trigs!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
With the good...comes the bad...trigs!!
2
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 12:06am
I chose the angry emotion mostly due to the extreme frustration I'm dealing with right now. I can't stand it. Family is family, but AHHHHHHHHHHH, don't want to deal with it anymore.

First things first...the good. I am starting with the good, cause we all seem to be faced with tough times. First good thing. I FINALLY got in touch with catholic charities and hopefully a therapist will be calling me within a few weeks. I don't know if I can last that long, however, at least help is on the way for me. If you're all contemplating it, like Nike said--JUST DO IT!! I can't believe that I was so stupid all these months just putting it off and not doing it. I'm sad and mad at myself that I waited for things to get out of control before I got help. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Second thing is that I just bought a new book. A self help book. It's by Dave Peltzer--a survivor of emotional and physical abuse, but doesn't want to be helped as that "guy who dealt with abuse" or "motivational speaker." He's super cool, and puts an average guy spin on things. The book I'm reading is called "Help Yourself" and is a super quick read, just picked it up and have been reading for about an hour and I'm on like page 35. Anywhoo--He's got a bunch of other books, but just know if you come from an abusive background, it may cause triggers.

Bad thing--called my cousin Jim, and asked if he knew what was going on. IMMEDIATELY he was saying, I'm stayin gout of it, I can't be involved with this blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be involved with it just as much as he did, but I was calling to make sure my Uncle was alright (my aunt is very psychologically abusive towards my uncle--my mom's brother, and grandmothers son). He said yes, and retold me about how he needed to stay out of it. I broke down crying and he didn't even care. Then told me about how he's got a baby now, and how he's got too much going on that he couldn't deal with that crap. Man. I thought family was supposed to help each other. I don't know what I'm going to do.

You guys...honestly, I'm at probably one of the lowest points in my depression era. It's to the point where I can't function. Honestly. My job is HUGELY being effected, I don't want to work. I find myself just not doing anything. Writing my feelings down, endlessly daydreaming, obsessing about all my problems. I can't function. I keep crying. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep going on like this. Nothing seems to be workign for me. I hang on only because I don't want to be selfish. However, I keep thinking, what if something were to happen to me?? Would this help the family come together as we were once? Would it push us apart? I don't know what I'm going to do. Thanks for listening.

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:03pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((sweetie, )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I will be saying prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:37am
Trac--Thanks for the insightful post. It was really nice. I do have to say I'm really low right now, but just want to let you and others know that I'm not at that "breaking" point quite yet. Things are horrible, but I'm glad I have a few things set up where I can deal with the issue, rather than a "quick fix" to the problem. I'm glad I have you all around to help me through it. Dr. Randy (sorry that's how we all refer to him now!!) has really been a great help. I think because we've both dealt with abuse, we can relate and understand each other, unlike previous boyfriends before.

Slowly, but surely I'm getting through this. And as my brother pointed out, it's really not "our" (meaning the kids) problem, it just effects us. I'm mostly upset about selfish behavior and how things were handled, and the hurt feelings involved. I'm starting to let go slowly, and that seems to really been working. Also, I've been reading that book, and it's letting me know that all my feelings are normal, and that I can get through it. Most importantly, it's telling me I can have the power to change my life. I don't have to be a product of my environment. I think that's the most powerful message that I've read thus far in the book.

Thanks again for being such a great friend and listening. You really are my guardian angel, along with all the others here on the board. I'm so glad we have each other!

Trix