Confused,sick, tired of it all

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Confused,sick, tired of it all
5
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:15pm
I know I have not written in a while, for that I am sorry. Things were going ok for a little while, then I started getting sick, so I would either come in late for work or stay home. Last week I had bronchitis and a sinus infection, to the point I don't remember things that went on during the week. I did make it in every day, except Monday left early for a Dr appt and in late 930 Wed cause I almost passed out while getting in the shower. My boss called me aside a few weeks ago to tell me I had to change "the program" this was due to being sick the first week of January and out for two days, then the next week I had car trouble and was in late. I think he is afraid it will become a pattern. I am starting to wonder if he isn't right. I honestly do not feel well when I stay home. Yesterday though was different. I actually did not wake up until 9am! I called and got his machine and said I would not be in. I went back to bed and slept until 4pm. What is wrong with me? Am I just some lazy slob who cant get her act together? I actually want to be fired. My brother wants me to come work for him, but at less money, I could handle that. I just feel so tired most of the time. Some days even weeks I feel really really good, then I plummet. But I dont know if it is due to physical illness or what? I havent seen my therapist in two weeks and wont see her again until next tuesday. I hate feeling like this cause I feel like I want the earth to swallow me up and be done with it. I just hate dissapointing everyone, and screwing up all the time. Even right now, it is the end of my lunch hour and I want to go home. I know my boss is going to pull me into the conference room for a talk tonight, and the last thing I wan to do is cry, but I feel it in me. I wish I were a kid again and someone could take care of me. I feel so very alone. And I am

Peg
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:26pm

((((((((Peg))))))))))


you are not alone in this.

Dona

Mommy to CJ {03.21.03}& Chantel {08.10.95}  Step~Mom to Carrington {08.12.92}

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:37pm




(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Peg)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I totally understand about the fact that you seem to be unable to cope with things right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:38pm
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, my boss knows, but only because when my bf killed himself in August I could not hide my depression anymore, and needless to say it got worse. I lost a lot of weight, didnt sleep etc. They were very kind and let me work 4 days a week with full salary for 3 months. I thought it was working but I still feel that old feeling of why even bother. I dont really like my work either. I just get so disgusted with myself
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:47pm

(((((((Peg))))))), I hope you will schedule an appointment with your doctor to rule out a physical cause for what is going on.


Sorry to rush, but it is almost chat time and I have a couple things I must do first.






Blessings,






co-CL of Depression Support

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:55pm
Thanks, I will try to read them before. My other fear is that I want to take a vacation with my Mom in April, and I am so afraid he will say no on account of my tardiness etc. I just feel like a big whimp