Advice...support.....please....
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| Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:02pm |
I have had depression who knows how long. It had always been a moderate thing...up until the last few years. Especially in the last few months I have gotten to the point where I feel sick much of the time....and I have migraines almost every day. There is no reason for me to feel sick. From October to the last month or so I gained twenty pounds. This winter has also helped to make things the worse they have ever been for my depression. I went to the doctor last May and he told me herbs to take. I took them for about 5 months but I didn't see a difference. He didn't seem to take me seriously. Anyways....lately I have been crying. I have been having trouble sleeping....or wanting to sleep all the time. The other night I was pacing at 2 in the morning...because I was just terribly restless. I'm not sure what to do...I'm miserable all the time. I think I should go to the mental health clinic. I'm scared to be on medication for the rest of my life like my mom or grandma. Yes this does run in my family which is all the more reason to think I have a problem.
There is another issue...which may have aided my sharp decline. My boyfriend seems to be used to it. No matter how much I tell him that something is wrong with me or with us. He won't go to counseling with me....and he hardly even talks back when I tell him how I feel. He seems to be one of those who thinks I have contol of this. If I could decide to be happy I would. But I am seriously so distressed. I am so guilty to break up with him because I feel like at this point I don't know if something is wrong with me...or if it is him that is making things worse for me. He says he loves me but he doesn't seem to care what I am going through. I have no friends. I had a very hard time in school and I have always had a hard time making friends because people claim I am weird. Now I feel like I am going insane. I am just with Joe and Joe hardly seems to care. I feel powerless to make him leave...he works for my dad...he's been here for over 5 years. I feel trapped and helpless. I feel like going to to get help they will tell me what I already know. That I should not be in a relationship. In the last five months or so I have only had sex with him about two or three times. And I cried after each time. He acts like it's normal. I feel so alone and helpless.
I just need support. I am so scared and I feel like I am seriously loosing myself. I don't know what is happening to me. I have never been so confused and worried. I have never felt so sick.
~Min

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Min))))))))))))))))))))))))
Welcome to the board.
Sara
(((((((Min)))))))), this is not something you have to handle alone!
you have to talk to him, you are not weird you are personal, unique and different, I'm the same wey and it was really hard for me to have friends, and I thought it was me, not always its you..... dont be your enemy be your friend, hug yourself... you have a lot to give and a lot to smile and fight for, specially because you are alive, because the sun shines because you are healthy and you admit that something's going on with you, and BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE!......
loni_3@yahoo.com
Although the herbs may not have helped, can you go back to your doctor, or to another doctor, to try something different? I know how overwhelming the thought of being on meds the rest of your life can be...but would you mind so much if you had a life you enjoyed, and if you were physically and emotionally healthy?
I had been on antidepressants for several years when I finally went off of them last year to try to handle my depression through more "natural" means (with fewer side effects, in my case)...eventually, I think the lower level of serotonin in my body caused me some major physical and emotional problems (that's actually when I had my first migraines as well). Now I am back on low levels of antidepressants and a supplement, and still struggling most days, but doing much, much better than before...actually functioning.
I hope that you will be able to find a therapist and an understanding doctor. I wish your boyfriend were more understanding, too...it can be so frustrating and painful when those close to us don't seem to "get" it. Please keep posting here to let us know how you're doing.
Hugs,
Rose