I want to share a letter to my father (t
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| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:40am |
I want to share this with all of you since you have all been here with me thru it all and you all have been so supportive and carring and giving and I can not thank you all enough and I wanted to share this with you all in hopes that it may help me and maybe hekp someone else who has similar feelings....
I want to warn you all that this will be long and emotional this is no reflection on anyone here this is my own life my own feelings and I am attempting to have some personal growth and if I happen to offend anyone I aoppoligize now that is not my intention at all I just need to get this out.Thank you all.
A LETTER TO MY FATHER.........
I grew up in the suburbs of Connecicut in a house with my family it was my mom sister Aunt Mary my pop-pop and my grandmother I never felt much different than the other kids my mom worked at night and my aunt took care of me My mom worked very hard to put my sister and myself thru private school and to buy us clothes...I never thought I was different...
I never felt different until I was asked where my daddy was I always thought that you were working and that you would come home one day but you never did.
I dont rememeber your visits or your phone calls I dont remember your voice on the other end of the telephone I dont remember the cars never saw a gift I dont remember you saying I love you I dont remeber you ever being there I dont remember anything about you.
I do remember that you would call and then you would disappear for a few years and then you would call again I do remember you walking away to be with another women I do remember you forgetting about jennifer and I to start another family only to walk away from them also I do remember you not ttelling us about my brother til he was a few years old the same goes for our sister we were not important enough to you for you to tell us about our new family.
I do remember you making me feel unloved unwanted unneeded worthless stupid ugly crappy sad you made me cry you made me feel forgotten you made me feel that I didnt matter that you never wanted me...you showed me that people can not be trusted that men leave.
You shot my confidence I was a little girl and you took everything away from me you took all I had and shot it all to hell.
I went to give you a second chance the biggest mistake of my life I moved across the country you stole money from me you verbally abused me you made me walk almost 3 miles home from work at 11pm in a city I didnt know around people who could have killed me you didnt care enough to pick me up and drive me home you abused the dogs threw one up against the house you drank a case of ber a night and couldnt talk with out getting stoned you lied constantly about the things you didi in your life you picked parts of movies and told them as your life I knew you were lying I saw those movies.
Dad you are not a father to any of your kids you are a sperm donor you have no heart you have no feeling you have no grasp on realityyou could care less if we weer alive or dead you will never meet your grandchildren and you probably dont care.
you taught me how to hate myself to feel that I am worth nothing you taught me to not trust men that they will leave.
I hate you for what you did to me how yo made me feel and when you die I will go to the funeral to make sure you are dead I hate what you did to my mother and to our lives you left us with nothing no money no where to live you hit my mother you ruined her life.
I hope that one day I will be able to move on and forgive you for what you did but I am so angry at you stil I do not know if that is possible.
I hoe that one day you will be forgiven not by me but my God because right now in my eyes you will burn in hell...
I know that it is all incomplete and kinda all over the place I just wrote didnt think I am sory if I offended anyone
Erin

(((((((Erin)))))))), when I read that what I thought was how strong your own