how do you make someone understand.....

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Registered: 11-18-2003
how do you make someone understand.....
3
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:34am


I really do not understand how I can make my sister understand where I am coming from and what life is like on a day to day basis for me...I know that it is probably impossible for her to completly understand due to the fact that she isnt in my shoes or in my head and also the fact that she doesnt suffer from bipolar disorder but I want so bad for her to have some kind of understanding that way maybe she could understand me a bit more....

I want to give a quick background maybe it will help make sense of my balbbering.

I started therapy a year ago..before that I was very difficult to be around my sister was on eggshells all the time with me I would go thru periods of being very moody very angry very sad my sister didnt know what to do anymore she was at her wits end and she got fed up and I do not blame her we had alot of talks about what was wrong with me why I was the way that I was I believed and still do that I do not deserve to be happy I remember Jakobs dad telling me when we broke up that I had alot of anger inside of me and that I needed to find out where it is comming from so Jennifer and I talk and my mood shifts to being normal less than a week later I am so so so sad I go to work but as soon as I get home I go into my room shut the door and stay in bed I dont call any one I dont go any where all I do is sleep and go to work finally ther was sucha strain on my sister we fight I yess and scream at the top of my lungs she had to restain me she sat on top of me holding my arms behind me I scratch her in her face with my nails throw a nailpolish bottle at her she slaps me like three times thinking it would calm me down but it just made it worse and I go crazy fighting her off me kicking her I just lost it I ended up loosing my voice because I was screaming so loudly my neighbor almost called the cops she tells me to get out of the house but comes back a little while later crying telling me that she was sorry that I didnt have to leave I too am crying that is when I decide to go to therapy that is when I see that something is VERY VERY WRONG with me.


I go to therapy and I tell Marnie everything how I have acted we talk about what life has been like for the past few years before therapy I tell he about my eating habits or lack there of I tell her about vomiting taking diet pills laxatives not eating for a week at a time weighing myself everyday and if the scale said 95 pounds I would panic and cry and tell myself I was weak if I ate more than one time a day I was weak I had no control I did all that because I felt out of control I still do figured my life is spinning out of control but I can control my weight and well now it controls me....So I tell her about my freak outs she tells me to seea shrink also and to get on meds I go to the shrink he puts me on meds lexapro was the first one that made me so sleepy that I would pass out at work next was lamictal that was great it really helped me alot but I got a bad rash on my neck and was concerned tat it would turn into steven-johnsons syndrom so went off that and went on neurontin it helps me not as well as the lamictal...I have rapid cycles one minute okay the next not okay...

So now here I am today I still fight with my self my image my weight my anger my moods shift alot not severe as they were but they still shift and I still can go off on people at the drop of a hat so I fight to be normal my living situation doesnt help ther is tense and stress and so much anger in that house that as soon as I go thru the front door I am in attack mode I sound crazy but I believe luis is the devil I believe that he is poison..

I want my sister to understand what my life is like, I know that she is under alot of stress at work and I am sure that things at the house are not helping her but she has luis to turn to I have no one right now I feel that my sister turned her back on me I told her that if her and I do not talk before I move out that we are done and I mean it if she is willing to let her own flesh and blood walk out of her life and maybe she is the one who needs therapy.

I dont know what to say to her anymore since Luis and I have been at odds the relationship between Jennifer and I have been so stressed out it has been months since her and I have had a conversation that lasted for more than 5 minutes and I dont even know what to talk about with her she says why would I want to talk to you that I am negative and selffish because I will talk about myself but to be honest I do not know what to say to her how to act I dont know anything anymore.

So here I am today I went to therapy at first to save mine and my sisters relationship but now it is for me all I wanted was for her to love me or like me now there is nothing I have lost my sister. I know that I am not perfect I know I make alot of mistakes I know that I make her mad and upset I know all of these things I am not going to pretend that I do nothing wrong but I try very hard to stay out of Luis' way and her way I stay in my room I do not make problems for them I do not go where they are I stay away all I aks is that I have some respect shown to me when I am trying to go to bed Luis knew before he moved in that I go to bed around 10pm my room is in the ase ment and they are always on the main level that is where the living room and kitchen are so Luis last weekend installs his t.v and surround sound in the living room (great for me) the noise travels down into my room and he puts it so loud that I can not even hear myself think I ask to have the volume turned down he doesnt do that I ask again nothing I call my sister the volume finally goes down Luis knew when he did the surround sound that it will travel into my room he knows I go to bed early because I am the first one up in the morining but he doesnt care now he come s home stomps on the floor yells plays the tv really loud I have resorted to taking sleeping pills just so I can go to bed I am not loud I do not have my tv blasting plus their bedrooms are on the thrd floor so there is a whole floor plus stairs between my room and thier bedrooms so even if I had my tv on loud they would not hear it anyways...So I am emotionally drained tired fed up pulling my hair out hating life more and more each day.....

I am sorry this is so long I didnt think it would be I guess I just had alot in my head my crazy messed up head worthless thoughts from a worthless person I guess.

Thanks for letting me get this out sorry to bore you all.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:59am
I am sorry you are having a difficult time. I know dealing with bi-polar is a difficult task. I have a relative who suffers with it.

Let me just say a few brief things about your comments. You are not worthless and your thoughts are not worthless. I do think it would be good to get with a doctor who can regulate your meds. You are a bit excited or agitated so it's a tad difficult for me to follow completely now but I think I get the idea you are conveying.

Keep in mind you are not your sister-she is not you. Anytime you have two or more people you will have two or more set of thoughts, ideals, and intentions. Sometimes we are successful at conveying our thoughts to others -sometimes we can't. Please try to look at the situation calmly and logically for a minute. Maybe your sister does understand more than you realize. Maybe she simply can't cope with it the way you would want her to cope. Maybe she is equally as distraught as you. Don't assume you know what she's thinking. She may feel you shut her out for so long that she is seeking a way to get your attention. Or maybe the opposite, maybe she feels it's hopeless. I'm not sure but you two need to talk. You said you don't know what to say to her anymore. Why not tell her in a calm way much of what you have voiced here. Tell her exactly what you want and feel, and if that includes love for her then express it also. Better now than later in life when too much time has passed. Maybe the two of you can go to therapy. Don't assume she is well and healthy and you are the only injured party here. She may need your support too.

As for Luis, the guy with the loud music; there are city ordinances about that sort of thing. If he can't be talked to logically and nicely, then make mention of it to your sister. Be sure that you are not being unreasonable. And most of all, be prepared to move if it does come to that. I wish you the best.


Edited 3/17/2004 11:02 am ET ET by nanacatie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:26am

Honey, there are several things I need to say to you.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:37pm
don't say you are worthless- you are so far from it! i am glad you went to therapy and want to help yourself feel better. honestly, we can try to fix our relationships but there are always 2 people in a relationship and if only one is doing the work then it won't work. so, it is always so important to make ourselves healthy and feel better first- that often helps with relationships anyways.

i didn't realize how bad you had been feeling lately. please tell me if there is ANYTHING i can do to help. even if you just need to talk. please know that i care about you and i think you are awesome. i hate that you feel so bad about yourself. did your therapist say anything about your weight? it scares me that your weight is so low. i know the pressure to be skinny- you know i do, it was partly my job. with my bad stomach, when i am not feeling well, my weight can drop. if it drops TO 110, i freak out and try to gain weight. i am 120 now and i am still a stick. if i weigh much less, i just feel icky. i don't want you to feel badly. i hope that you feel better soon. seriously, if you need anything, let me know. you are the best, and i hope for you that you will start to feel that way soon!