New here- why am I feeling so blue?
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| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 6:54pm |
Just stumbled across your board. I have been struggeling with feeling depressed all winter. I am thinking maybe i have that seasonal disorder. I live in NJ and it just snowed here yesterday when it is supposed to be spring. I feel so much better in the spring and summer. All winter, I have been feeling very stressed and depressed. I don't even feel like going to the gym to work out, something which used to energize me. I have to force myself to get out of the house otherwise I would get nothing done.
Oh, a little about me. I am 37, SAHM, part time student, married with three kids ages 5,10,12.
Usually, I wake up in the morning, get the older two kids to school and then feel so lethargic and sad that I do not go to the gym. I just waste my time on the computer. I feel fat and ugly. I hate everything about me right now. No one really understands , they think I am nuts. My DH blames everything on PMS.
I hate the house i am living in and its a constant source of stress. I spend hours cleaning and it is always messy. I am embaressed to invite anyone over because it is messy. I literally spend hours and hours cleaning. Everything looks like it is falling apart even though we are constantly redecorating. My house is so crowded for five people. I hate it. I am desperate to move but the thought of getting my house ready to sell and the whole process of moving stresses me. WHenever I walk into my house , I get instantly depressed though. I feel like I am being selfish because no one in my house wants to move except me . It would mean the kids having to start a new school next year.
My body depresses me. I take all kinds of pills to lose weight and work out but nothing works. I do not look overweight to others I guess ( I am a size 8) but when I look in the mirror, all I can see is FAT. Its always been like this. I am obsessed with it. It is just all the more depressing because I can't do anything about it. My Physician just told me to accept my weight and be happy about it. Easy for her to say.
I get depressed about getting older. I feel like I woke up one day and someone told me I was in my late 30's. I don't feel like I am almost 40. THat sounds so old to me. I still feel like I am about 30. I get depressed just thinking about it.
I feel so stressed most of the time. My children just hear me yelling and yelling at them. They don't help around the house and they leave thier homework until the last minute. They never go to bed when told. I feel like a terrible parent. Although I love my kids, I sometimes wish I only had one. I feel totally stressed out whenever I am around them.
SHould I get some professional help? Would an anti-depressent medication help me? TOday, I went to the gym and started to cry ( I do have my period). Nothing in life excites me anymore except the prospect of getting into the professional program I applied to getting the Heck out of this house.
I am sorry this is so long and I am jumping all over the place. I just have so much on my mind and no where to turn for help>
Monica

Welcome dtdjj,
This is a great place share all the things that are making you feel depressed and sad, even lethargic.
First of all I admire you for being a mom, redecorating your house and taking care of it, going to school, and working out. Even if you dont get to the gym every time, I admire you for your effort despite the pain you feel.
There are medications that you can take. I would talk to the doctor about it. Excercise is also a great way to feel better. It releases endorphins (I think thats what they are called) and that is like a natural anti-depressant. Even if you cant seem to get to the gym, try to put on the radio when you clean your house and dance around. Go for a walk, etc.
There are a lot of reasons that your body is not changing the way you want it to. It could be the food you are eating, the amount, or the time you eat it. The other thing might be that your excercise regimen needs to be changed. Ive heard that Pilates and Kick boxing are awesome for the body. Try taking a class in those. I also hear that yoga is great.
About your house, I dont know what to say except that maybe you just need to rearrange your furniture. Maybe it just needs a new paint job. Why dont you apply to a Redecortaing show, and maybe then you can get a room decorated for free. You can also learn a lot of money saving tips. I dont think wanting to move is selfish.
About your kids, I know you are feeling down and frustrated, but please try not to yell at them. I think yelling is counter-productive. MAybe you can buy a book on parenting, or go to a family counsellor to find out what you can do to help them get things done on time. Here is an idea...Why dont you put up a big peice of paper or bristle board for each child, draw a grid/table and write down their chores, and for each time they do their chores by a certain time, they get a sticker. Maybe after ten stickers they get a cool reward like a trip to the zoo, a sundae, or something they like but wont cost a lot. So they will then have incentive to get the things done because they will know that every ten days that they complete their chores, they will get a reward. It will create a habit for them.
I hope these things help and keep writing ok, take care :)