Any other Stay at Home Mommys out there?

Avatar for lori_mcbride
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Any other Stay at Home Mommys out there?
8
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 6:54pm
Just looking for some support for people in my same situation. I am so proud of my son and the fact that I am home with him to raise him (he's now 14 months old), but lately I feel myself sliding into a bit of a depression. I don't feel that I have any value to anyone outside of being "Mommy", and it's starting to affect my self esteem. I don't have the confidence I used to in just approaching and talking to people and I keep questioning myself...am I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough? Why would anyone want to talk to me anyway.

I'm searching for outlets for myself, but I'm having a hard time just due to the fact that I keep "knocking myself" down. Any ideas on how to boost my self esteem? I really don't want this to affect my son...he's the most wonderful thing in my life, and I want to be the best mom that I can be. I see now that means doing more for me...I just don't know where to start.

Thanks in advance for any help!

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having a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 8:36pm

Hi Lori and welcome!


My son is 12 now but I was a stay at home mom too and I remember how hard ( and rewarding ) that can be. You are right though that to be the best mom you can be you need to take care of YOU too! So dont feel guilty about that.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:32pm
Hi Lori

Cali had great suggestions. Its normal to feel lonely and isolated when your children are babies. I worked with my first two but did not with my third. I rember how strange it was because I was so excited to be able to stay home with her and not have to work and at the same time, I felt like I had no life outside of taking care of her. I missed adult interaction and the feeling of being something more than a mom.

Look around for a playgroup in your community. That's what I did and I met many great women, some of whom I still keep in touch with although we are no longer involved in these groups. Some that come to mind are the Moms club, newcomers club. I know there are others but I can't remember thier names. Most are national organizations so they should have a web site that could direct you to a local chapter. Its such a great way to meet other stay at home moms.

Also, take some time to pamper yourself. Get a babysitter and go get your nails done, get a facial or just go out and have some fun shopping. You have the hardest job in the world and you need to spend some time taking care and pampering yourself.

Finally, Spring is approaching. Get out that baby stroller and take a walk in the park. Have a picnic. You will meet lots of other moms with babies and feel better just being out in the fresh air,

Good Luck

Monica

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 5:24am
I totally agree with the last two posters, play groups and excercise... As your son gets older there will be more and more opportunitites to meet people and do important things like supporting his school and extracurricular activities. Teams always need coaches (even mom ones). Excercise is the BEST outlet for me. I felt like you afer I stayed home with 2nd son, who now is 2-1/2. I have terrible physical symptoms from depression so I take Prozac. DH is a total ass about it. Every time we argue he says take another prozac. It makes me just want to walk out the door...How's that for a depressing situation?!?!? DH is awesome with children though (asside from teaching them the wrong way to handle a woman!!).

Best,

Amy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 6:43am
I stay at home with my 3 year old DD and my 20 mos old DS. It was hard for me at first. I got involved in a mothers group and it totally saved me. Just knowing I wasn't alone in how I was feeling was such a life saver. Tori is now in preschool 2 days a week and Zach is in Gymboree class. We also go to the library alot for story time or open gym at the local rec. center. This winter was hard on us here. We live in upstate NY and we had a very cold winter and getting outside with the kids was out of the question. We had a 70 degree day last week but had another snow storm on Tues. Parks are great places to meet people, so if you have nice weather where you live get out and meet people. HTH~Jenn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:09pm

Hi Lori,


I am a SAHM of four kids. It's been 5 years since I last worked.

    CL for The

Avatar for lori_mcbride
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:33pm
Thanks everyone! :)

It's nice to see that others feel and have felt the way that I do. I hate to admit it to a certain point b/c I feel it makes me seem "ungrateful" to be able to stay home with my "little man". That's the one thing that I am SO proud of though. He's a wonderful little boy and I feel like I have played a major role in making that happen. I think part of the issue is that my husband does work a LOT...he's very supportive and a wonderful father..but we've lost a little bit of each other in the last year or so. We have an open discussion going on about it and we're definitely working on it. I know that I'll feel better once we are a true "team" again. I want us to be a good example to our son of what a marriage is and can be.

You guys are great, and thanks for the suggestions and support. I bet that warm weather and getting out will probably help to lift my spirits. I'm also going to work on joining a Mom's group. Thanks again, and I'll keep you posted! :)

Lori

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having a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 2:03pm

I have 3 "little men" too! They are 5, 3, and 1.

    CL for The

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 2:19pm

((((((((Lori)))))))), people here have given you a lot of good suggestions.

AcornLeaves