New, and needing advice..
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New, and needing advice..
| Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:05pm |
Hi there everyone. My name is Sara, I'm 20 and live in Indiana. I have been a memeber of the ivillage boards (February mommy to be of 2003, and frugal living) for almost a year and a half. I recently saw the depression board, and figured today that I might see if I can find some people that I can hopefully get to know and talk to. Last year on Valentines day I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Kaydon. I had found out I was preggo the week after I graduated high school with a friend of mines baby who was 28 at the time. He definately didn't want me to go on with the pregnancy, though I did, and I ended up dating someone during my pregnancy who of course was not the father. I had to quit dental school because I kept getting sick, so my boyfriend allowed me to move in with him after a few months because my mom was in the hospital due to depression. She'd been through this for almost 2 years since my aunt had passed away, so I was used to it, but physically I couldn't deal with it anymore. Matt, my boyfriend at the times Mom had a friend who lived with her and passed away the month that I graduated so she didn't want to live in her house, so we "Watched" it for her by living in it until I finally had my son. During the time that we did live in her house, Matt proposed to me and we were basically set. His Mom is gay, and had her girlfriend living with her which caused alot of problems between all of us so we moved out and into an apartment. Once my son was 6 months old I got a job at a bank where I then worked until this past Jan. For awhile we were having problems fighting, and I knew in my heart I wanted to goto school, but he had just decided to buy a house in September and so we couldn't afford to. Matt worked at the Sheriff's Dept. making a good salary, but the bank was only pay about 24,000 a year. Anyway's, I decided finally to move home with my parents and go back to school for nursing and get a job. I was fired from it (working on being a manager) because of something that had happened when I was a minor with a friend which wasn't supposed to be on any sort of "report" if you catch my drift, so now I'm seeing a civil rights lawyer over that, but I did recieve a new job at a retail store while going to school. It's been hard because Matt's the one I would goto for things, and my friend Christina seems like she has her own problems, so it's hard to go to her. I goto Matt, but I feel stupid and I think he's mad because I'm the one who chose to go home so I should deal with it. I hate feeling guilty, becuase I feel like school and my son are the most important things right now, and I need this. I need to grow up. I went through alot of stuff with Matt, and feel too that it was just thrown down the drain after I left. We are trying hard to work on our friendship, because we've fought alot within the past few weeks since he had left to go on a business trip in Georgia, came home, and then went back to Florida to visit his family. It was hard because I felt like he was just doing it to get away from me, and Matt's the type of person who doesn't express himself that much. I'm just really tired of feeling like crap. I have my good days and bad. I'm stressed over starting school, about making my son happy (he's only one), and Matt and I's friendship. I'm the type of person who get's jealous easy and he says that he's not going to date people, but he's already going back out with his old roomates to the bar and stuff when he never did that when we were together. I'm just scared.. I'm scared that I won't find anyone to be with like I was with with Matt.. and I hate feeling depressed. It runs in my family, so it sucks.. but I just want advice.. big time..
Thanks
Sara

Welcome to the board Sara,
You have really been through a lot in the past year or so.