Looking At Hospitalization! Triggers ???
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Looking At Hospitalization! Triggers ???
| Sat, 03-20-2004 - 12:28pm |
I saw Kara yesterday and I barely was able to leave that office on my own accord. I had to convince her that I would keep myself safe and not hurt myself so that I could go home instead of the hospital.I guess I did because she let me go home. I came out to my parent's as I was going to take Gram to see her niece who had back surgery but now I guess Gram doesn't want to go because of the way I have been feeling which I keep telling her it will be fine for me to take her but she says when I am better. Don't know when that is going to be. I wrote up an activity schedule for myself and I have been trying to stick to it just so that I can start feeling like I am accomplishing something. Not working so far. Still having the thoughts of ending my life. My parent's say I can stay with them if it makes me feel better but I told my mom today that I don't know where I want to be. She keeps saying Irv(hubby) is a big part of my problem which just hurts me so bad that after 12 years of marriage she still can't accept that he is my husband and that I love him very much despite my problems. Yes money concerns are a big part for me and even though they are helping me pay my car we still don't have money left over for extras or if something was to happen with the car and I needed a repair done I don't have the money for that. My dad says he thinks that I should go in the hospital and that I will probably only be in there for 3 days and that now is a good time to go in there because the weather is going to turn lousy for about 3 to 4 days and then it will turn nice and start being spring like and in the words of my dad happy happy. I am tired of feeling blahhhhhhhhhh and having the suicidal thoughts but I also have a feeling that my pysch doctor won't admit me to the hospital because it isn't the best place for me. If that makes any sense. I just know that I am really torn on what to do. My mom says she doesn't know what to think anymore which doesn't make me feel any better and just adds to my feelings of being a burden. Lexxy has been over and I took her to the library last night just for an hour and made sure I was back on time so they didn't worry. I know today my mom didn't want me coming to the library because I think she is afraid that I will commit suicide while I am out but what she isn't aware of is I can just as easily kill myself in their house. Like I said earlier I am really torn and having a hard time deciding what to do but I wanted you ladies to know what happened to me. I am sorry this got so long but I needed to vent. Love and Hugs Andrea

Andrea, you didn't mention what Kara said yesterday.
Cheri
starthrower68@yahoo.com