struggling......again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
struggling......again
2
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 6:04pm
hey, folks, it's me again.

I have been having a tough time this weekend. As I said in my last post, my stepdaughter has been giving us lots of trouble lately. This is of course stressful, and I was really looking forward to getting away this weekend to spend time with my hubby and his band.

Everything went as planned, I suppose, but somehow I could not force myself to enjoy it. Part of it is that his band has asked me to do their lights and sound for them. This is really awesome, music is my first true love. However, I feel like my kids need me at home, too. Also, I am such a perfectionist and I got myself so worked up this weekend about doing everything just right. I sat and cried after the show on sat. because I was just sure that I was doing horrible and I was ruining the show for everyone. It was so aweful. And I couldn't shake it.

I guess I am just so confused by the whole thing. I want this so badly for me. I really do. It's a dream I have had since I was a kid. One of those dreams that as adults we give up on because it's impractical. Now I have the chance to fulfill that dream. Perhaps my only chance. But is it fair to put my dreams ahead of the kids' welfare? Is it okay to do this for my sake alone, or should I remain the conservative adult who gave up so many dreams. I am so angry and hurt. Why is it fair that when I could do this with no worries, I couldn't get a break into the business, and now that I have all these new responsibilities the opportunity falls into my lap?

It is so unfair. I can't even enjoy the thrill of singing onstage or doing something that I love, because I have to think of the kids. I don't want to! I want to be selfish and follow my heart. I just don't know what to do. They say this is a trial period, and not to worry. They say I can quit any time I want, or stay as long as I want. I don't know what to tell them. I don't know where my priorities are anymore.

anyway. If anyone has any suggestions on how to solve this dilemma, PLEASE post back to help me out

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 7:31am
Hi Sara, I wish a had the magic answer for you but I don't. I'm just wondering since your feeling so torn between the music and your kids is their anyway to have the best of both worlds??? Could your Dh's band hire someone to do lights and sound but when he/she is away you could fill in. That way you wouldn't be spending to much time away from your kids yet you would be able to fulfill your dream. Just a thought. Good luck with whatever you choose and let us know. (((HUGS)))~Jenn
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 1:56pm
Dear Sara, I heard this on a television show and it never left my mind, here is the gist of what was said: That if you arent true to who you are, you are also cheating your children out of who you are.

They can sense if you are not truly happy (most of the time). Set an example that anyone can follow their dreams at any time of their lives. If you are anxious about being away from them, then can you bring them along once in awhile? Really you can do this. I suggest that you take care of yourself too.

As far as the perfectionist thing, I totally know what you are saying. Before you go on the trip, ask yourself why you are doing this...why its to have fun of course!!! I think you have to teach yourself to take things in stride and its ok if everything isnt "perfect". Nothing is ever perfect, and without foulups in the world we would have no funny stories to tell right?

I wish you all the best!