having a tough time--poss trigg
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| Sun, 03-21-2004 - 9:47pm |
I spent the weekend feeling so down! I can't shake it. the anxiety is so huge. I feel like I can't breath and I am all shaky. I hate it. My husband tells me to lighten up. Don't take things so seriously. What does he know? I don't want to feel this way, who does? I am trying to breathe, to keep my cool. I don't want to feel this way. Nothing I do seems to be right. I make everyone around me miserable when I am like this, but I don't know what to do. I can hardly type my hands are shaking so bad. It's like I am on the verge of another breakdown. I want to curl into the fetal position and die. I want the world to go on without me. Not suicide, but just will myself into a nice quiet place where noone can touch me, or talk to me, or hurt me. They all hate me, I know it. I feel like I am so alone. Like they are all attacking me, not like I am isolated. I want to be isolated.
I feel so out of it I feel like there is no way I could get out of bed tomorrow adn deal with my life. I have to go be there for other people and there is noone for me to go to. They don't understand. Wha t am I going to do? I want there to be a special pill that will make all this go away. or i want a vacation to somewhere so far away that i don't ever hav to come back from........no kids, no body to listen to me, no worries. I wish i could be so quiet noonte could see me. then they wouldn't know I was here an I would be safe...I don't feel safe anymore. I am so scared and sad and down, down, down.
sorry if I brought anyone down with this....not my intent....just needed to get this off my chest....let someone know how I feel

Personally when I feel that way I do isolate myself yet I make sure I expose myself to the world so that it doesnt get worse. If you can talk to your husband so that he can help you then have him go for a walk with you. Even though he may not understand, I would tell him that I just need his support and I need him to help me. You can be more specific. You can ask him to go for a walk with you where you dont know anyone, and make it a point that the only reason you are going out is to go for a walk alone together, and not to be with anyone else. Would that help you? I think its good to have some isolated time but please dont go to the extreme or it will overwhelm you so much that your fear will grow.
You may possibly have a phobia. I think Im borderline personally but I expose myself so that it doesnt get worse. Please take care of yourself and take a nice hot bath with lots of bubbles and no ppl! I hope this is good advice, hope to hear from you soon.