poss triggers i am blue, horrible week

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
poss triggers i am blue, horrible week
1
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 2:23pm
i am on here because i need to get my thoughts down. i am so tired. do you ever feel that for every effort you make, something always happens to set you right back to where you were, to the point its maddening? then, after time, you start to feel foolish, like you are banging your head against a wall expecting an outcome different to a sore head. well, i keep bangin my head against the wall, and all that happens is my head gets more bruised and bumped.

i am odd. i am both happy and sad. i am so happy to have a gorgeous little son (now six months) and i adore him and love being round him, but i am so unhappy about other things. for starters, i live in the UK now and while i like many aspects of life here, the weather STINKS and it gets me very down. its always grey and miserable. i grew up in the sun so this is hard for me. i wonder how do people live here their whole lives. good grief.

then there's the fact that nothing ever works. and the more effort i make the more goes wrong. example. i have spent hours on end researching playgroups in my area to take my son to during the day. finally, i found an organisation that listed local groups for us to go to on their web site. i got in touch, they welcomed me via e mail, then a day later sheepishly told me i wouldnt be able to join as i lived in the wrong post code (zip code), even though the code means nothing and i was actually very local to their groups. its so stupid and yet so excruciating. so i was redirected to another chapter of this group, within my proper post code, only miles away from me and i do not know the area. ever try driving in the UK??? it aint fun and it aint clear.

by the way, during all this my husband is on another long business trip and i know nobody here and have no friends either here

anyway, i finally found two groups in the area i was 'allowed' to go to. i went online and used mapquest to get directions to both places, wrote them down, and headed out with my son. first place, the group was no longer in operation. second place, the group was shut as a child had been sick the week earlier. no notice of either was posted on the site that listed these groups.

on the way home, i got trapped behind a funeral procession (by about two seconds) which took 30 minutes to get out of. my son woke up in the car and cried the whole way home. and i sat in the car, trapped, wondering what on earth i did to be punished like this. cause sometimes it seems i am marked. do any of you ever feel like that? i never hurt anyone in my life and i dont understand why its been like this ever since i can remember. just bad luck, flukes all over the place.

finally, my husband gets back from his trip, and i at least get to go to an exercise class that night, which ive been looking forward to all day. i drive there. i am fifteen minutes early. the woman before me in the queue gets the last place and i am told sorry but the class is fully booked.

on the way back home, some idiot behind me on the road honks his horn because he thinks i am being too cautious (eg i dont wish to pull out into a road when traffic is coming at full speed).

and that is just a typical day out these days.

help...

bwhiskey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:11pm




Hello and welcome!!


Sounds to me like you have gotten caught up in bureaucracy at its best and im sorry.

*hugs