Here Is The Latest Going On In My Life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Here Is The Latest Going On In My Life!
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:11pm
I have been at my parent's since Friday. I did not take gram to see her niece because in the words of gram she wants to wait until I am stable. Saturday night I had a rough night sleeping and was up on and off all night long. In between I was thinking about what to do because I know that hospitalization is not the best thing for me and yet I have been having the suicidal thoughts constantly. I am on 250 mg of Zoloft and 3 mg of Risperdal. I came up with the idea of calling Weiss and seeing before I haul myself off to an emergency room if we could increase my Risperdal to 4 mg and the Zoloft to 300 mg. I know it won't work overnight but if I could at least get it started so it can start working.I called Weiss's office and told them I needed him paged it was an emergency and the doctor that was covering called me back. I told him how I have been feeling and about my idea of increasing the medication and he said that it sounded like an okay idea to increase the meds and that I could start increasing it with my bedtime dose last night and to call Weiss during the week and let him know about the increase. I felt a little bit hopeful that hopefully I will start to feel a little better but that was last night. Today I am feeling anger and frustration. After talking to the doctor yesterday I called Kara's voice mail and left her a message telling her that when she saw Weiss to let him know about the increase.I have enough pills to get me through with this new dose till Friday when I see Kara. She called my house this morning and spoke to Irv since I was still out at my parent's and told Irv something along the lines of that they can't get the medication for me in this new dose and I will just have to go back to the dose where I was at before and she is also angry at me that I went over her head in contacting this doctor but I was trying for Weiss but it doesn't matter to her. I don't know if this doctor contacted Kara but he did ask me if I contact my therapist in times of crisis and I told him the truth of what Kara told me and that is she doesn't have time for me outside of when I see her. So if she did talk to this doctor maybe he did tell her what I said but I just told the truth of what she told me and so I see no reason for her to be angry. I have been trying to get a hold of her all day and just keep getting her voice mail and she hasn't returned any of my calls. I know I am frustrated and angry right now and the way I feel is if I don't hear from her before Friday I won't go see her because I am not going to see someone who is going to get mad at me for trying to take care of myself. Thanks for letting me vent ladies and I will keep you posted. Love and Hugs Andrea