i really need a friend- triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
i really need a friend- triggers
2
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 11:00pm
you guys, i really need a friend right now. i am crying like crazy and just hurting inside and i don't even know really why. i know it is my chemicals and the only people who i can turn to are unreachable or unable to help right now. i feel so miserable and i can't stop crying. my mom came to visit me today and i was so excited for her to come- then my aunt and 6th grade cousin met us for lunch as soon as she got here and went shopping with us. shopping is me and my mom's thing and we always have fun together but my aunt was dragging and my cousin was misbehaving and i was really frustrated. so on the way home, i mentioned that i wasn't thrilled that plans had changed to my mom staying with me- in my studio apartment. i just can't sleep with her there, and i feel kind of awkward like i am too old to be bunking with my mom. so she said she was going to go to dinner with me and my boyfriend and then go home. i changed my mind and wanted her to stay, but she didn't believe me and left anyways. then my boyfriend walked me home and didn't want to hang out because he was tired. i know he loves me, but i am tired of feeling blown off- i know that from his perspective, things are great, moving forward and we are going to end up together- awhile from now. he plans on the future like we are together but doesn't want to sleep over with me usually more than once a week. i feel like i am living my life as if i am engaged or married to him and making decisions based on him- because i want to. and he is thinking we have all the time in the world and i don't see why we need to and it is making me upset but i don't want to be girly and talk to him about it and make him feel pressure.

back to my mom, so she is calling me crying and guilt tripping me and telling me that i am older now and i decided to move away so i probably won't get to see her much for hte rest of my life and that's just how it is. i am so lonely right now. i feel so unwanted. i want my mom to be here with me but she went home 2 1/2 hours away and i never will get time to spend alone with her again- if i go home i have to have my dad there and she never comes to see me- and really won't come after this. i just want my mom or my boyfriend to hold me and wipe away my tears but they aren't here and i don'tm feel like either will be the way i want them to be- at least not for awhile. i don't even know if that is true or if it is just part of my mood. my mom had gained so much weight when she came here and i know she is not happy with her life, my whole extended family are all miserable.

i took a job, but i don't even start for awhile and it won't pay that much. this lady was bugging me today about how i could be a really successful model and i should go for it- this while i am trying to get away from it. i can't be self-confident and positive anymore and go for these jobs that all these other girls are going for- i'm not getting them and i hate it and i wish i could but nothing is working for me.

i haven't felt like this for a long time and i am so scared. this whole thing with the anti-depressants is making me crazy. i have been taking prozac for 10+ years and i wish i had never started- i am dependant on it and i feel like it is messing me up at the same time. i won't change my meds or go off because i don't want to deal with the reprucussions. please, someone, say something, anything. even just give me a virtual hug.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 11:35pm
Hi voguegirl...HUGS HUGS HUGS

Okay, it sounds like you are sort of at a crossroads in your life. Really, it seems as if you really need to face some things and make some decisions. I dont think talking to your b/f is "girly". It is a serious matter and everyone needs to sit down and talk about things and work things out sometimes. It really sounds like you and your b/f need to sit down and talk about things. Its tough because there seems to be a fine line between how to talk constructively and talking that can lead to an argument. I would choose my words carefully so that they say what you mean and are not misunderstood. The only tips I know are to use "I" statements (such as "I need a hug when I feel sad" rather than "you need to hug me when I feel sad"), and to listen to the other person and consider what they are saying. It is also good to repeat what you think the other person is trying to tell you. Hopefully you two have good comunication and that when you sit down together, your goals and concerns can be voiced out in a positive way.

About your mom, you can talk on the phone with her, and if you both have internet you can IM each other or email. The best thing is that you can schedule that for example once a month she comes down and you have a girls day all to yourselves. You can get a futon or something for her to sleep on if you are uncomfortable bunking in the same bed. A lot of moms dont want to pry into their children's lives, so they will leave once they think they are prying. I dont think your mom in any way was meaning to hurt you, it sounds like she just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.

Keep strong, you can do it and the great thing about this site is that there are always ppl to reach and we are here for you. I hope you like my advice and please take care. HUGS again :) Smile

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 9:01am



Hey Hun,

Big huge hugs to you a million big huge hugs to you.........

Okay where to begin I guess with your mom...As you know me and my mom have not had the greatest relationship but now with open communication and alot of work we are getting a bit closer nothing huge but baby steps right now....I know how you feel when you want to spend time with someone and it becomes a family affair and you were looking so forward to being alone with your mom, I think that because of how your day went that you were feeling BLAH with your cousin and acting up and what not and I am sure that it hurt that you didnt get the time that you were looking so forward to...I am sure that what your mom said to you wasnt meant I am sure that she was just a little hurt that you told her about her bunking with you and what not I think the words that came out of her mouth were just out of hurt and as long as you both put in the effort you both will spend time together like what dreamy said schedual someting once a month were it is just the two of you.

As for your family you can not control how they feel or what they are going thru they control their lives only they can and if they want to be miserable then there is nothing that you can do, all you can do is try to make yourself happy do what you love think of the one thing that you have always wanted to do and go out and do it I am sure that it will make you feel great.

Now for the boyfriend.....Talk with him tell him how you feel I also agree again with dreamy that when you do speak with him use the "I" format dont say you need to do this or you need to say that because that is almost placing blame tell him what your needs are and try to figure out a way so that both of your needs are met, maybe he is just the type of guy that doesnt believe in staying over a womens house maybe he is traditional which is something that I respect I am sorry hun that you are going thru this I really am and I wish that there was something that I could do to make it all better for you I wish that I could dry your eyes or do something to make you laugh.

Sweetie you have to believe that things will get better for you the bad times never last long and you will see that there are so many good things in the world just waiting for you.

Take care and know that you are loved.

Erin